It's been almost 3 months since the birth of Weekend Fat, and I must say, I am pretty excited at the way it has taken off. Of course it's had some low points, but for the most part readership has been consistent and has even spiked a few times! I have never claimed to be an expert on pop-culture, but it certainly is fun to hash out all of my opinions and explore the little threads of synchronicity that run through my favorite entertainment and real life.
I thought I'd share with you just a few of my favorite sources for information and inspiration. It's only fair to give credit where credit is due. You might want to start reading some of these blogs, just don't stop reading mine!
Funny stuff!
Jezebel is a little risque, but it's super clever and fun. It's liberal but written by and for women, and has some really hilarious writing most of the time.
Of course, I use IMDB and Wikipedia to research dates and titles and double check connections. I would love to say that all of that is just planted in my brain, but my brain is full of song lyrics, converting time zones, and lines from 30 Rock.
The Awl is another site that is full of creative stuff related to culture and more. From time to time they write "serious" articles about how people handle money or what mothers are doing to ruin kids these days. But they also sprinkle in a good portion of meaningless TV stuff. The Hairpin, Splitsider, and a few others are all related and all offer the same type of posts, but I highly recommend them all.
My good friend Meredith works at Verge Pipe Media, and her blogs/resources have taught me a lot about blogging and how to promote my writing without driving everyone crazy. (I hope it's working!) The stuff you find here is more practical, but if you or someone you know is looking for a way to put your blog, business, organization on the map, contact them...they know their stuff. And the blog is rich with great facts about social media, generational differences, and branding.
Brainpickings is maybe one of the greatest websites in existence today. Maria Popova runs the site. In this world of blogging, there are curators and there are bloggers. The Brainpicker is more of a curator, but the things that she finds and shares are fabulous. Her curations are more on the intellectual side of things, but we can't all be TV junkies.
From Suri's Burn Book.
And lastly, if you aren't reading the blog, Suri's Burn Book, you are seriously missing out! Shout out to my friend Julie for being super aware of all things fashionable and bringing this little gem to my attention! Also, check out Julie's blog. She's an incredibly talented and professional event planner at Invision Events. The blog doesn't have pop-culture in it, but for those of you who love to daydream about weddings, take a look, she's fabulous!
I was thinking about my favorite and least favorite things about Disney movies and I started Googling different lists. I came across a few of the "best songs" lists and I was kind of disgusted at the results. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I have to list my favorite and least favorite songs now. This might be more controversial than my Magic Mike blog....
I Cannot Even Handle These Songs: The Circle of Life-The Lion King-Why does everyone love this one so much!? A Whole New World-Aladdin-I heard Peabo Bryson sing this in person once. It sucked then too. Beauty and The Beast-Beauty and the Beast-Angela Lansbury's voice is wrinkly too. Can You Feel The Love Tonight-The Lion King-Nope, I can only roll my eyes. Anything by Snow White-Her voice kills me.
Okay, so maybe I have something against ballads. I know these songs are the themes and often the "heart" of the movie, but they just drive me crazy!
Just please don't sing us to sleep.
But...THESE I LOVE: Kiss The Girl-The Little Mermaid-Who doesn't love this one? Zero to Hero-Hercules-This song is so much fun! The Best of Friends-The Fox and the Hound-Sure the words are slightly co-dependent, but I like it! Once Upon a Dream-Sleeping Beauty-I think I sing this in my dreams. I Won't Say I'm In Love-Hercules-The muses are so great in this! Go The Distance-Hercules-Even with Michael Bolton at the helm, this one gives me chills. The Spectrum Song-No clue where it's from, but when my friend Jill sings it with me, it's the best! You'll Be in My Heart-Tarzan-I love the lyrics to this song so much! It's so sweet. Poor Unfortunate Souls-The Little Mermaid-So bad, but soooo good.
Can you guess what one of my favorite Disney movies is? I'm a Hercules fan...it's a way under-appreciated movie!
Epic.
So what are some of your favorites? Are you a fan of the Disney power ballads? Is there one particular movie that stands out above the others when it comes to the music?
Disney sequels go back...way back. Like back to 1944 with the Three Caballeros as the sequel to Saludos Amigos. But the first sequel to a full length animated film was The Rescuers Down Under. It was received well. I've always thought it was interesting that they started with The Rescuers of all movies. It probably would have been okay if they had stopped there, right where it started. But some brilliant mind figured out that there is a lot of money in the straight to video market, and so it was really just the beginning of the Disney sequel market.
Is this about the cats getting married?
I have never seen a Disney sequel (when I say sequel, I also mean prequel) to an animated film. AND for the record, I never want to. Now, I know many people with children who like to pop in these sequels as entertainment, and that's fine for them. It only proves that maybe there IS a place for Disney sequels. But that place is at best a babysitter, a little slice of mindlessness to buy mom a few more minutes to clean or talk on the phone or some quiet in the van. I know how these things work. Disney sequels are good for something, but I still don't think that they are not good.
Might as well be Step Up 4 to me.
I read an article that actually said "sequels to Disney movies have tarnished the Disney name." I could not agree more! I am not in denial, I know that Disney is a money making operation above all else. But where's the integrity in taking tried and true stories and watering the lessons in them down, or adding thin story lines that vaguely resemble the original?
I didn't even like the first one!
Urban dictionary defines a Disney sequel as "a way for Disney to screw it's classic films." Maybe I'm not the greatest spokesperson given my stand and refusal to watch a sequel, but I like to think of it as a purist view of things. I'm a Disney sequel virgin and plan to stay that way...at least until I have kids I need to pacify.
Do you feel the same way?
Or can you convince me that there is some merit in the infamous Disney Sequel?
On my train ride to Beijing last week I watched two documentaries. On the way there, I saw Being Elmo. On the way back I watched, Senna. I really enjoy documentaries. They almost always move me to tears and are usually inspirational. Sometimes they leave me with my mouth hanging open in shock, like in Confessions of a Superhero or Jesus Camp, or something close to disgust like in The Cove. And a few times I have felt such an overwhelming sense of helplessness that I wasn't sure what to do when the movie ended, like in Waiting for Superman. Rarely do I find myself bored. There was once while watching March of the Penguins, I did have a tough time, but that could be because I took a five year old to see it. Big mistake.It's no secret that you have to be in the "mood" to watch a documentary, but I usually find myself in this mood at least once every few weeks, so when it happens, I watch a few at a time.
As I read about documentaries and looked at the various lists out there, I was amazed at how many I've seen. It stands to reason that I would love them though. I do have a degree in Creative Nonfiction, and what is a documentary if not a way to creatively tell a true story? I realize it's impossible to present any topic in a truly objective way, but those are the stories I like the best. The ones that attempt objectivity. Sidebar: It's probably why I love writing by Susan Orlean. If you want to read about obscure segments of society, her writing is incredible. She has stories on Thomas Kincade, The Tonya Harding Fan Club, (to name just two) and she is the author of The Orchid Thief which the movie Adaptation was based on. It's these types of stories/documentaries that I enjoy, and hope to write some day.
I have a hard time with Michael Moore documentaries, even though I share a few of his political views. They seem too agenda-filled. When I watch, I don't want to be hit over the head with a message. I want to come to a conclusion. I think Morgan Spurlock had a hit with Super Size Me, but now he seems to be clamoring after fame for fame's sake. I also tend to avoid extremely controversial topics that will make me angry more than anything. It's hard for me to watch intolerance or hate on film. Not to say that I will avoid these at all cost, I just don't tend to choose them.
Of course all of the titles I mentioned in the opening of this blog are worth watching. But here are three that stayed with me and I highly recommend you work into your queue the next time your documentary mood strikes!
Waiting For Superman: I went to see this movie with a friend of mine who has a completely different political opinion than I do, but we are both in Education. We came out of the theater in complete agreement and feeling so fired up about the state of things. I mean, both of us already knew that things in our schools are not good, but it stands to reason that they are truly hopeless in the current state of things. It will take a president/congress with the primary intentional goal of changing our entire system, a complete renovation to move things forward. And the results of not doing so are detrimental. We are changing places with China, they are beginning to teach their students to think, while we are simply pumping ours through a standards game. I could go on...and on...but it depresses me. Something's gotta give, and this documentary explains that perfectly. Plus, the director, Davis Guggenheim is married to Elisabeth Shue so....yeah.
Grey Gardens: What the what is happening in this documentary! This was one of those that made my mouth hang open in shock the entire time I was watching. Little Edie and Big Edie Beale are cousins of Jackie Kennedy, and former socialites who live in isolation and somewhat less than sterile conditions. There is so much disillusionment and childlike strangeness in the Beales that it's like watching a codependent and horrible train wreck. And the result is just understanding another layer of the fragile human condition. Are we all just one step away from losing grip on reality?
Being Elmo: It's a feel good movie for sure. Muppets, young boy with a dream, dream realized. Aside from my own slight frustrations about Kevin Clash and his family life as an adult, I loved watching him land his success. But what I loved even more, is the mentoring that is displayed in this movie. At every turn, Clash finds himself encouraged on his journey, taught, directed, and connected. It's something that I think Generation X is missing and craving, so when I watched Jim Henson and others in his field invest in him on such a personal level, not seeing his inadequacies, but seeing his potential, I felt a little jealous. The last scenes are Clash doing the exact thing someone else had done for him, inviting a little girl into his studio to show her some tricks of the trade, passing on the kindness that so many had shown him.
Tell me about a documentary that affected or stayed with you.
I've just finished Season 2 of Desperate Housewives. Here are my thoughts so far.
As crazy as Bree is, I love her. I love the way she is so obsessive and overly concerned about appearance. She has everything in place and NOTHING together.
I also adore Lynette. Her creative solutions to her problems are a little silly at times, but I like her heart.
Some of the storylines are boring to me. Like all the murder, bad guy stuff. I don't care about all that. It loses me. I like the day to day drama that happens between them better. Their lives are crazy enough within their own homes. I have heard the next few seasons get a little ridiculous, but so far, I think they have tackled some pretty basic emotional situations.
My recent dive into Once Upon A Time made me really begin to think about fairy tales. I think it's time for Weekend Fat to tackle some Disney topics! I know some of you might feel passionately about Disney, so if you have a post you want to write, then bring it on! It can be about your favorite something, comparing two things, or you can just totally geek out on what you love about Disney. I'm flexible! You can submit your suggestion/blog to me in a Facebook message or email me at catidwell222@gmail.com
One of the most captivating parts of Once Upon A Time is the Evil Queen. She is eerily beautiful, yet selfish, manipulative, and powerful. She is so obviously evil. It makes me wish that life's "villains" were as easy to spot as the ones in Disney movies! Most of the time they are discolored and exaggerated in everything from their sharp features to their dramatic clothing. And more often than not, they have clearly defined personality and or mental disorders. But I love a good villain. No matter how mild or extreme. Sharpay is my favorite part of High School Musical. I'm on team Angelina. I love to root for the "bad guy."
Here are a few of the worst/my favorite Disney Villains:
Don't underestimate the importance of body language!
Ursula-The Little Mermaid
She's the living worst! She's very clever and super crafty. I love everything about her. Her size, her hair, the fact that she can barely keep her boobs to herself, and I love that she's an octopus with her symbolic tentacles wrapping all over things. She comes off as so helpful, like she's doing Ariel such a favor, and in truth she really is! I mean, without the time Ariel gets to spend with Eric on land as a human, there's no way he would have fallen for her. Of course things get really twisty when Ursula decides to become human herself to compete with Ariel. The ending is the best though. How do you make a plus-sized villain scarier? Make her even more plus-sized! Just look at Rosie O'Donnell.
Putting a curse on a baby is pretty sinister.
Maleficent-Sleeping Beauty
This is my personal favorite Disney movie, but as much as I enjoy it, there is nothing likable about Maleficent. She is the scariest of the villains hands down. Maybe it's the fact she is so gracefully composed, so put together. Maybe it's her angular features and puke green coloring. Or maybe it's just that she turns into a dragon and summons all the powers of hell! Yeah, that's the one. Maleficent is not kidding around when it comes to being bad.
She named her cat, Lucifer. What other reason do you need?
Lady Tremaine-Cinderella
The thing about Lady Tremaine, also known as, Stepmother, is that her persona ended up making life hard for anyone who will ever be a stepmother in real life! Demi Moore's character in St. Elmo's Fire even refers to her stepmother as "step-monster." The stereotype has transcended the thousands of loving stepmother's that exist out there in the world, giving them an uphill battle from the moment they say "I do." While most stepmother's might not actually be this bad, Cinderella's is just awful. She treats her like a slave, is unfair at every turn, and seems to truly wish evil on her. More than anything, she's just manipulative; pitting the step sisters against Cinderella and letting them do her dirty work.
A terrible tyrant who throws temper tantrums!
Queen of Hearts-Alice in Wonderland
The only thing worse than someone manipulative is someone who's irrational. She's like the aunt who never yelled at you for fighting or graffiti, but almost tore your head off when you spilled a drink at dinner. All of the characters Alice encounters in Wonderland have some madness, but the Queen of Hearts is truly psychotic. Everyone in her life works overtime and out of fear to make her happy, though with her mood swings, it's hard to predict what will actually please her. She's loud, she's red-faced, and she loves her roses.
If you have to tell people you're a good king, you're probably not.
Scar-The Lion King
Scar isn't the scariest of villains with his army of nazi-hyenas, but you have to have a black heart to betray your brother to the point of murder. The Hamlet-ish storyline shows the development of Scar's jealousy into paranoia and back into jealousy. He is a lazy coward who relies on his minions to get anything done. But his "reign" is characterized by famine causing his own to turn on him in the end. Is there a ride at Disney World called Karma?
If she doesn't scary you, no evil thing will.
Cruella De Vil-101 Dalmatians
If you translate these villains to real life, Cruella might be the worst. I mean, in short, she wants to make a coat out of the fur of puppies. Horrendous. Have you ever seen a puppy? I mean, who could be that awful? Her name minus the "la" is literally Cruel Devil. She's rich though, and one downside to having that much money is that you get used to having other people do things for you. And that's where Cruella makes her mistake. She hires two incompetent thieves to steal the puppies and when they fail, she becomes impulsively reckless. It's her madness that eventually lands her in custody of the cops.
Who is the worst Disney Villain? Who is your favorite?
So when my friend sent me a little texty text to let me know it was finally on Netflix, I was out of excuses. I gave in and submitted to the extravagant and weird world of HIMYM. And that's when it happened. I got hooked. I didn't want to admit it at first, but I thought the show was fan...wait for it....tastic! Episode after episode, hour after hour, night after night, I kept watching. I'd look over at the clock and see it's after 2am and I thought, nothing good can happen! But I couldn't stop! I finished 7 seasons in 3 months, which isn't bad considering I'm a student, I work, and I have to maintain the many levels of my fabulous social life. I was proud I'd finished the show so fast. But I noticed when my friend referenced it, I still wasn't picking up all the inside jokes. Something had to be done. I watched it all again. This time, in 4 weeks. Social life be damned! It was like watching them all for the first time. I laughed and cried all over again. I went from being 100% against watching the show to someone who is now a firm believer in the enigma of the mystical, the cockamouse, dibs, miracles, going to the mall, suits, the playbook, and the bro code (even though I am not a bro.)
Am I dead?
But um...really, I am obsessed. I have looked up every website mentioned in the show from slapcountdown.org and tedmosbyisajerk.com, to barney's blog and his video resume. I've seen them all! I text my friends shapes from the bathroom, I high five, I say "btdubs," and I accept challenges no one has ever presented. Which is probably how I ended up writing this blog. You guys, I have been a slap bet commissioner! True story. And I would give anything to see Robin Sparkles in concert.
Hey where did that pineapple come from?
In preparation for Season 8, I think I will watch Seasons 1-7 again. I just can't wait to see how little Marvin Waitforit Eriksen turns out! I love this show!
So what's your take on Ewoks?
(Vanessa is a 19 year old extremely talented photographer in the Fresno area. You can find and follow her work on Facebook. She likes art, music, TV (obviously), and sleep...which makes her legit in my book. Between HIMYM episodes, she gathers friends and family for creative photo shoots. Her most recent one was zombie themed. Awesome.)
Have you ever gotten these two confused? I mean, even though there's a 11 year age gap between them, somehow I merged them into one person in my head. It wasn't until Elizabeth Banks showed up on 30 Rock as Avery, that I realized...oh...that is actually NOT Elisabeth Shue. But come on, they resemble each other right?
I could bore you with all of their bio information that would give nods to their similar "girl next door" roles and personas.
I could also give you quotes about their desperate attempts to fight that Hollywood pigeonhole and work their ways into sexier roles.
I could write all about the things that other celebrities have to say about them, which is all the stuff you might hope. They are both wonderful to work with. Pleasant, kind, and beloved. With the exception of a few minor misunderstandings they have both managed to stay out of any controversial celebrity drama.
I could even pit them against each other and convince you how much better one of them is than the other. (Which would be ridiculous because no way has Banks had time to prove herself yet...Shue would win hands down.)
But I don't want to have to choose one! I just want to shout out to these two awesome actresses. I think they are both great actresses, beautiful and yet, totally normal people. Both are happily married with kids, and seem grounded in their respective lives.
I can't wait to see where Banks' career takes her. And don't tell me you didn't WISH that Elisabeth Shue was your babysitter back in the day? More celebrities like these two PLEASE!!!
I've mentioned before that I am a fan of the movie deals on iTunes. They offer bundles from time to time where you can get several movies for pretty cheap. Most recently I found a bundle of all 3 Karate Kid movies for $12. I couldn't resist.
The Karate Kid movies are described as: "martial arts romantic drama films." So specific! It's so much fun (and sometimes a little sad) to go back and watch movies from childhood. Here are my thoughts, 20 plus years after watching them the first time around.
Acting: Ralph Macchio was way too skinny. His acting was pretty bad too. I'm not sure how he landed that role, but I'm pretty sure I understand why he didn't really land any other major parts. Get this though, he was 23 in the first movie and 28 when the last movie was made! He looks 12 in all of them!
how cute is elisabeth shue!
Part of the fun of the trilogy is the 3 different girls Daniel "falls" for. I kind of love that they are different in every movie because it rings true to relationships at that age. Elisabeth Shue is by far my favorite of Daniel's girlfriends, because she's Elisabeth Shue! (Sidenote: Blog coming soon juxtaposing Elisabeth Shue and Elizabeth Banks.)
Robyn looks like THE poster child for the late 80's here.
But watching the third one, made me remember Robyn Lively! Does anyone remember her? I loved her red hair and slightly raspy voice! I thought she would end up a lot more famous than she did. She was in some of my favorite movies and TV from that time! Not Quite Human, Wildcats, and Teen Witch to name a few! She dropped off my radar and became one of those prime-time guests moving through the line ups as a victim here or a patient there. BUT when I looked at her profile, I was surprised to see that she is TOTALLY in a 30 Rock episode. (Reunion, 2008) AND...her half sister is Blake Lively AND she's married to Troy Bolton's dad (Coach!) from High School Musical. Um...Mind Blown. Also, bless her, she dated Neil Patrick Harris for a year or so. It's okay, Robyn...it's a rite of passage.
Pat Morita is amazing in these movies. He has the best one-liners and the most real emotion behind his eyes. ESPECIALLY in the second movie, which is by far the best one of the three.
The bullies are all the same in each movie. No mercy, all ego. It gets old, but it works.
It turns out that her hair is blowing in her face the ENTIRE movie. Poor girl.
Cheese Factor: The movies are so full of choreographed fights that I was amazed at how fake they all looked. And they were so short. I could have sworn that the training montages were longer and so were the fights. It's not like that though, which is really disappointing.
Daniel is not that bright. His voice sounds a little stupid and on top of that how does he manage to keep getting bullied? Doesn't he ever learn!?
Of course these types of movies are formulaic, but these are formulaic to a fault! Almost down to the exact timing, as if the writer sat down and said, "Ok, at 50 minutes in, Daniel will go to a party and cause a ruckus and then at 70 minutes in he will let Mr. Miyagi down but by 90 minutes in all is well and it's time to focus on the final fight."
We make sacred pact. I promise teach, you promise learn.
Why I Still Love Them: These movies take me back to my childhood. I haven't seen them in decades, but I still remembered every line, the music, the jokes and colors. How does my mind still hold onto that!? They also made me remember my younger brother and his obsession with the Karate Kid. He used to dress up in his karate costume and entertain my family for hours. So much fun!
I love the friendship between Daniel and Mr. Miyagi. They have some really sweet moments. It's refreshing to watch men express sincere appreciation and friendship to each other. At one point Daniel says, "Mr. Miyagi, you're the best friend I've ever had!" His tone is so excited but so sincere. It's adorable.
So, I thought about addressing the remakes...including the most recent one with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith, and the Hillary Swank one from back in the day. But I'm kind of a purist. Hillary Swank was probably the best Karate Kid of all, but when it comes to the part of the mentor all you need to know is:
The following is an actual conversation I recently had on Facebook about Anne Hathaway.
The heart shaped upper lip is nice but that's a lot of eye white.
RB: I just watched the Dark Knight trailer. Why won't Anne Hathaway. just go away? Who is she? She has to be connected to someone. And she has the greatest agent in the world.
Me: You sound like that pin that's going around on Pinterest the one about when you don't like someone, you don't like anything they do..."Look at that bitch eating those crackers."
RB: I don't like her. I hate to think of anyone campaigning for a part. If you're right for it, let them come after you. It's kinda pathetic.
Me: Oh, did she campaign for it? I find it hard to believe that Nolan would give into that kind of pressure in order to protect his precious trilogy.
RB: I don't know that she did, but I suspect it. I can't imagine anyone thinking Catwoman just has to be Anne Hathaway. She hath a way of showing up where she doesn't belong. Les Mis for example. Or the Oscars.
Me: Well now I hate to say it, but I think she's kind of the Julia Roberts of our time.
RB: Then don't say it. It's not true.
Me: But I think it is.
RB: She is not! You take that back!
Me: She IS! She's sweet, cute. And that movie Love and Other Drugs was goodish with her in it.
RB: She was good as an ugly duckling for Disney and in Prada, but that is it. No..she did good as a crazy sister no one liked in Rachel Getting Married.
Me: I think most people like her and her mouth is even like Julia Roberts a little.
RB: Not even close. She is not sweet or cute. She is odd looking and uncomfortable in her own skin. She is awkward.
Me: She's authentic.
RB: She was ridiculous in Alice and Wonderland.
Me: That whole movie was ridiculous.
RB: So it's even MORE amazing that her performance should stand out over the top to the extremely ridiculous! And she's not odd looking in that striking way like Julia is. She's just odd looking. And you didn't even boo or anything at my "hath a way" comment.
Me: I saw it.
(Silence...)
Me: I prefer Natalie Portman.
RB: Well who wouldn't? She's good enough to be forgiven for the whole Clone Wars thing. Anne is the only daughter of a lawyer and an actress. That explains a lot.
Me: I guess it does.
(Break in conversation to discuss musicals for a few minutes.)
RB: I guess I've never told you how much I hate Phantom of the Opera, but we've already had one disagreement today.
Me: What was the first disagreement?
RB: Anne Hathaway.
Me: That wasn't really a passionate debate though. I was just pushing back some. But I will fight you to the death on Phantom.
RB: It's twisted....
(Break in conversation to fight about Phantom.)
A few days later...
If Halle Berry and Julia Roberts (from Hook) had a baby....
RB: Ok. I just saw a picture of Anne Hathaway, perfect example of why I can't stand her.
Me: This again? Okay...let me have it.
RB: She got a pixie cut. I'm sure for Les Mis or something, but she should know she can't pull that off. She is always trying things she can't pull off. She doesn't know her limitations. She was brought up in a Disney world of doing whatever you dream.
Me: My entire generation was brought up with that.
RB: She is the perfect example of how it doesn't work out. Then you end up as a co-host on the Today show when you should be a hard hitting journalist on Sunday Morning news shows.
RB: You end up being the Catwoman no one wants to watch. Here's what I want to say about Anne's hair. All of us want Halle Berry hair, but we know we don't have the face to go with it. Someone needs to tell Anne this.
Me: I do want Halle Berry hair.
RB: Don't do it.
Me: I know, I know.
RB: She's like Rachel on Glee. Groomed for stardom like a show dog. Which makes me wonder why Rachel goes to public school...
Me: Because she has two dads...liberals.
RB: Anyway, Anne is lanky and awkward in her skin. Like a perpetual High School Freshman.
Me: I never noticed that about her. But you were right about her being odd looking the other day. I went back and looked...you're right...something's a little off.
RB: I'm trying to think about why I hate her face. I think it reminds me of my best friend growing up who ditched me and broke me and my boyfriend up and then married him.
Me: That would do it.
RB: But more than anything, I just get the idea that she's like one of those girls in High School that was never popular but always got the lead roles in the Spring drama.
Me: Sure, those girls were definitely annoying.
RB: The worst. You know, I didn't mind her in one movie though.
Me: Which one?
RB: Hoodwinked.
Me: Isn't that animated? You can't even see her in it!
I've tried to figure out how to enter the "having it all" conversation that's been going around the past few weeks. I've read so many articles and blogs and ridiculously extreme Facebook posts around the concept. All of course stemming from the now infamous article in The Atlantic by Anne-Marie Slaughter.
The original article was meant (I believe) to point out some of the STILL existing double standards, judgments, and impossibilities revolving around professional women who are also mothers. It explains basic frustrations like the fact that it still seems acceptable for men to be gone on work trips for days at a time, but if a working woman can't get dinner on the table by 6, she's failing. The article points out that in most places, in most jobs, women still make less money than men. The article was meant to address some of these types of issues as well as give a nod to the intense pressure of being a professional woman and mother. It also addressed some lies that women who have gone before us have told (I'm looking at you Boomers) and expectations they have set up about how we should be able to have it all. It is a confessional article; one woman's perspective based on her experiences with a few statistics and facts dabbled in. The article is well constructed and aimed at a certain demographic of women (highly educated, high-level professionals) but struck a nerve with a lot of people due to the obviously timely delivery. Slaughter's article has made "having it all" theeee phrase of 2012.
That's it?
I can't ignore the topic anymore. As the discussion keeps rolling out, I've decided that it's time to share my thoughts and hopefully start a conversation about having it all.
Don't yell at me for my less than feminist opinion here, but.....I don't really believe that anyone can have it all. And now for my judgmental opinion...why are you even trying to have it all!? And now for my oblivious opinion...what does having it all even mean!?
Sometimes I think that when we talk about having it all, we are really talking about wanting things to be easy. Not having to make choices, because choices come with consequences. Even in our daily tasks we cannot have it all. If you choose the pizza for lunch, you cannot have the body you want. If you choose a yoga class over coffee with a friend, you cannot have the emotional connection that you want. It is natural and normal for us to choose what we want most on a day to day basis and live with the consequences. The problem is that when it comes to life, some of us don't know what we want, or better yet, we are not in a place to be able to choose what we do think we want. And worse yet...our minds change!
A game indeed.
This of course, coming from a person with...well...almost "nothing." Full disclosure here: If you have been reading this blog you should know a little about me. I'm a single 33 year old woman who was fired from my chosen career only to be thrust into unemployment until I started working at Starbucks because they pay above minimum wage and offer benefits to part time employees. (Pardon the shameless plug...I loved working there.) I spent my free time at Starbucks too, filling out job applications and networking for something, ANYTHING that might use one of my 3 degrees. I ended up as an adjunct at a community college, (adjunct equals no security at all) when the opportunity to come to China and teach for a year presented itself. I took it, not because it paid well, but because of the experience.
In the last 3 years I went from making almost 50K a year to bringing in 12K last year, and this year, I will ring in at a whopping 10K. I owe over 60K in student loans. The last thing I am aiming for in my life is having it all. I would like to be able to pay my bills and have a full time job again at some point. My life is packed away in a storage unit in my hometown and has been for over 2 years. I'd love to move out of my parents house (did I mention I live with my parents?) at some point, but that seems impossible at the moment. I'd like to get married some day. I might want to have kids, I think. But those things seem a little out of my control, so I avoid spending a lot of time daydreaming/fretting over them. By Slaughter's standards and probably yours too...I have next to nothing. Oh, and also, I'm overweight.
And here's my secret...I'm happy.
Because a while back I heard something that changed my life. "Comparison is the thief of joy." And ALL seems less important to me than JOY. Yes I have relapses of envy and moments of wanting! But for the most part, I have changed the "scorecard" of my life. Instead of checking off college, career, husband, house and kids. I have checked off, college, travel, college, travel, travel, career, college, travel, career change, good friend...etc. Choosing joy is not always easy. It certainly takes more effort on some days. In no way am I condoning being fake about your life or pretending you have no problems. That's just hiding, which hurts everyone and keeps you from having real friends around when you need them. I am simply suggesting that if you stop yourself from measuring your life against someone else's, it really is freeing. Let the fact that you spent time in Europe in college count for something. Or be glad that your kids are polite even though they are messy. Or that your husband is home for dinner even though you can't afford that vacation this year. These things matter in big ways. Let them.
Life changing.
The pressure put on us comes from US. Ourselves of course, but unfortunately, more often from each other. There have definitely been times that my friends (and mother) have drilled me about dating or not dating and there have been other times that people have suggested that I just take the clerical job that pays consistently so that I can get back on my feet. And as much as I have tried to appreciate their concerns, I have been frustrated by their lack of understanding that my life doesn't have to look like theirs. As soon as I found the freedom to say that and believe it, I learned that most women have begun to rejoice with me in it and set themselves free too! My mother seems more proud of me today (though I know she wants grandchildren) than ever. Older friends envy my freedom to travel and take opportunities like China, they tell me they are living vicariously through me. Women my age are more brutal but tend to not be great advocates for marriage and kids and consistent jobs as they complain on Facebook or present their lives negatively at almost every turn. This just makes it easier to tune them out. I hear their words to me as a pleading..."come join me in my exhaustion!" I just watched an entire season of Desperate Housewives, uninterrupted. I'm good.
Here's the thing...having it all is a lie, not because it's truly impossible, but because it implies that there's always something more to have. And as long as you are seeking, you can't really be still and enjoy what you actually have. Please, change your scorecard to match your life! Let walking the dog at night count for something instead of yelling at yourself for not making it to the gym. If your kid doesn't make perfect grades or behave the way you want her to, don't fill the house with turmoil because so and so's kid has it together. Stop judging your life, stop trying to control everything to get perfect results. Give yourself, and those around you, some grace.
Here I am. Let it sink in. 10K. No house. Single. No kids. No full time job. Is this the life I dreamed about? Not even close. Do I have ambition, of course! I'm always working toward something. But I refuse to waste my time focusing on what is lacking. And I hope hopeHOPE that you can look at your life, whether you chose it or whether it just happened to turn out this way, and find the joy in all that you do have.
Your Turn...Talk to me about Having It ALL!
Do you want it all?
Do you think you already have it all? How do you measure your life?
Do you judge people who don't live the way you do?
And, what did you think about Slaughter's article?
I can't believe I am even going to attempt to blog about this movie. As I have mentioned before, I often watch the iTunes rental of the week. I've been wanting to see Melancholia, so I was stoked when it showed up as this week's rental. But I was completely unprepared for what followed.
I rarely have a problem putting my feelings into words. I am very expressive and can communicate pretty well when I want to. But this movie...THIS MOVIE. I might have to talk in circles to get my thoughts across.
Life is only on Earth and not for long.
To be clear, I don't recommend it. For a few reasons. Firstly, because I think you will find it boring. Not that I am so much more enlightened than you, but I do probably have more time than you. Watching movies while stuck on campus this summer in China is not a luxury, it's a way of life. And so if you have one movie hole in your week or month, and you choose this one, I think you will be let down. But if you're up for something a little heavy, a little complex, slow and intense, then go for it! My second reason for not recommending it is because it is so intense. It left me feeling...so drawn into sadness. So so down. Like way down. Like I slept for about 15 hours after watching it. Woke up, watched it again. Cried a little and snapped at a friend in a text message before it expired and I finally forced myself to go for a walk. Heavy stuff.
The reason I do want you to watch it, is because I really wanna know what you think! I want to know if it affects you, or if you were as impressed with Kirsten Dunst as I was. I have previously written about my dislike for her. That could be changing. Her acting in this movie is perfection. I want you to watch it because I want to know what you would do in the same situation.
So let me try to explain what it's about. This might contain spoilers.
I smile and I smile and I smile.
The movie is in 2 parts. 1 named for each sister. But before the movie begins we see about 8 minutes of some scenes that are not really from the movie, but slowed down and sort of reminiscent of the movie, even though we haven't actually seen the movie yet. Got that? These scenes end with an enormous planet crashing into Earth and enveloping it. Then Part 1: Justine begins. It's all about Kirsten Dunst who has just married Alexander Skarsgard. This is the night of their wedding and her sister, Claire played by Charlotte Gainsbourg, and brother-in-law, played by Keifer Sutherland, are throwing her an enormously extravagant and formal reception. As the night goes on we learn that Justine is clearly depressed. She ducks out of the party, takes a bath, takes a nap, and does many other strange things as the night progresses. Part 1 gives us a glimpse into what severe depression can look like in broad brush strokes. It also shows the relationship between the sisters. At some point in the night, Justine sees a red star. The next day when she goes horseback riding with Claire, it's gone.
Part 2 picks up some time later and Justine's depression has worsened. She is coming to live with Claire, her brother-in-law, and her nephew. Upon her arrival, she can hardly walk, food has no taste, but slowly she improves under the care of Claire. Justine learns that when she saw the red star and then it disappeared, it was because it was eclipsed by a new planet, Melancholia. The planet is said to be heading toward Earth and will do a "fly by." The two planets will have a dance of death, but scientists claim that Earth not be hit. Claire's husband is obsessed with this and excited, but Claire is terrified. As the movie goes on, we see the sisters interact with each other and their emotions in light of what could be the end of the world.
He's forgotten about the magic cave.
I could say so much more. But for fear of ruining a movie that I have not recommended to you, I will just add one more thing. Lons Von Trier made this movie after visiting a therapist for depression. The therapist told him that often people who are depressed are able to handle horrible events in calm ways that people who are emotionally well, cannot. This is a beautiful and breathtaking movie that might have you rolling your eyes, or might move you beyond words.
I'll admit, the closest thing I watch to morning TV is when SNL does that skit with "Hoda and Kathy Lee." But I couldn't help but brush up on my awareness of happenings before 10am when I saw Ann Curry trending on Twitter a few weeks ago.
Along with her Emmy's, Curry was also voted "hottest news personality" a few times.
It's hard to get the entire story on what happened to Ann Curry, because...well who can get the entire story on anything these days. I mean, I live totally alone and half the time I can't remember who ate the last apple...it must have been me, but when was that? See? It's hard to know, really KNOW something. But from what I can gather, based on really snarky blogs I read, Ann Curry was fired from Today because Matt Lauer doesn't like her. Or NBC doesn't like her. Or maybe, her ratings were bad. But mostly because Matt Lauer doesn't like her. In fact, part of his contract renewal negotiations involved promises that NBC would get rid of her as his co-host on Today.
Remember when Matt Lauer was cool? He was like the young, hot, hip, counterpart to grumpy Katie Couric? He used to actually leave the studio...remember where in the world is Matt Lauer? Now what hair he has left is too short and he's actually a little...well...to quote Tom Cruise...glib. Also, he's 54 now and goes to bed by 9:30. Snooze fest. But Matt Lauer is NBC's golden boy. And so what Lauer wants, Lauer gets. He just renewed his contract for 25 million a year. 25 million to deliver the "news." Ridiculous.
So...back to Ann. She's been the co-host for less than a year. Hardly enough time to perfect her chemistry or style in the position. But that became irrelevant for possible reasons stated above, and NBC dropped the bomb that her time was up. Except, they didn't drop it to her. Similar to the case of Dan Harmon, it seems that the most popular way to be fired in entertainment these days is through back handed and passive articles rather than a direct conversation with the person being fired. The New York Times released an article announcing that Ann would be let go, only unlike Dan Harmon who fled to L.A. upon hearing of his firing, Ann SHOWED UP TO WORK THE NEXT DAY!
I love this woman. No hints taken here. She made them come out and say it to her face, enter negotiations with her, and give her a chance to make a public announcement. If you haven't seen the video of Ann's last few minutes, warning, it's really hard to watch.
Matt Lauer makes a comment that I believe is probably very true about Ann Curry. He says that she has "the biggest heart in the business." Compared to his, I am sure it seems huge. But seriously, her resume of stories does point to that being true. While Ann is still working at NBC with some new "fancy titles" and a team of her choosing, I can't help but think of a few other possible ventures for Ann Curry as she moves on in her career.
Emcee of the Hunger Games: CEO Edition
Let's take all of those out of touch money hungry suits and put them in an arena together. Heck, let's just put them in the middle of South Dakota, it won't take much to get them uncomfortable. Forget competing with ratings. Let's watch a death match to see who can survive things that even just normal people do. Driving yourself somewhere. Or ordering food at a McDonald's. And let's see Ann Curry emcee the whole thing. I am sure with that big heart of hers, she will be very gracious.
Host of 2016 Olympics
It's a little late to give her the responsibility for London at this stage in the game, but she will be there, as well as the rest of the NBC crew. Except, Ann has a knack for finding the heartwarming story behind the news. And there are few things that we like more than heartwarming stories combined with sports. With her emotional intelligence, her segment ratings will soar leaving Lauer and his psuedo-news summaries in the dust, and NBC will have no choice but to put her in as host for the next go round.
Jack's Love Interest on 30 Rock
Now THIS would be fun. Things are rocky with Jack and Avery. And even though my preference has been that he end the series back with Nancy (Julianne Moore), I think it could be fun to have Jack and Ann interact in light of her real life situation with NBC. Can't you just see the last episode, Jack retiring and packing his bags to go meet up with Ann in Iraq, setting out on his new quest to prove that Bush was right about weapons of mass destruction!
Friend to Rachel Maddow
Recently Maddow came clean about her own feelings of depression/failure due to low ratings from time to time. While I personally enjoy everything about Maddow's delivery and handling of guests, it's no secret that her show is consistently beaten by others on various channels. It seems to me that if nothing else, Ann and Rachel could go have a beer together and talk shop, you know, encourage each other.
Professor of Journalism at ANY University
I don't know where she should go to teach. But she should go teach journalism! And if we get down to brass tax, maybe this is really the problem with Ann Curry and NBC. She actually practices real JOURNALISM. Petty news stories about celebrities being pregnant and the world's fattest woman wanting to gain more weight are not her gig. But that's what Today often presents in an attempt to appeal to the dumbed down American audiences. It's no wonder that Ann couldn't hang with that. Because she actually wants to talk about news. So before we end up with another graduating class of ignorant pundits with unfounded opinions, let's get Ann Curry in there to teach students what journalism really is. After all, it's quite possible that she might be the last professional media personality out there who actually remembers.
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