10 Things That Will Destroy Your Marriage Before Magic Mike Does

Your marriage doesn't stand a chance.

I've been standing on the sidelines these last few days watching the controversy of Magic Mike unfold. I wasn't going to do this, but it keeps coming up, so of course, I have to share my thoughts.


I've seen Facebook posts like, "Girl's night out...Woohoo! Gonna get my Magic Mike on!" These posts are hilarious to me. I know these women. They cook spaghetti for their ungrateful teenagers and a husband who comes home later and later each night. I know they need a night out with friends, and probably a little eye candy too. 


Of course there are other posts too. They go a little overboard with what they'd like to do to Channing Tatum, and I can feel the heat coming off the computer. These women might be taking things a little too seriously. But I like to think it's just rhetoric. 


Maybe my favorite comment so far was from a very conservative friend who said, "Heck no, I'm not going to see Magic Mike until it's out on IMAX!" 


And finally there are these types of posts, "I will not go see Magic Mike! What a double standard! The Bible clearly states do not set before your eyes any vile thing. How would you like it if your husband went to see a movie like this about women!" 


Sigh. 


I have to point out that this is not the first movie like this! Both Striptease and Showgirls were hits all the way back in 1995 and 1996. Boogie Nights (less stripper more porn) objectified Marky Mark long ago, and the Full Monty...well does anyone remember what a full monty actually is!? Movies have been made about, and containing, strippers for a very long time. I will not even bother to do the work for you to prove my point, just go Google, "movies about strippers." And don't even get me started on the provocative characters in video games! And did you know there's no full frontal male nudity in Magic Mike, but there are boobs? So why is Magic Mike so upsetting!


I read a book once called Respectable Sins. It addresses the way we often react in extremes to the most obvious sins but rarely recognize those that plague us daily. I think reactions to Magic Mike like that last one I mentioned fall into the category of turning a blind eye toward the day to day struggles. I see a brief window of opportunity to address something that DOES in fact concern me.  It has very little to do with Magic Mike, and everything to do with the other posts I see everyday on Facebook. And Ladies, I'm mostly talking to you. 


Here are 10 things that will destroy your marriage before Magic Mike ever has a chance to! 

1. Obama-I mean, he gets the blame for everything else, why not this too!?

You can just tell... he's totally out to ruin marriage.

2. Money-No one has enough. Everyone wants more. To get more you have to work more. But working more means less time together. More time together without money to do anything fun makes you depressed and angry at each other. It's a catch 22. And then there's the matter of what you do with your money. You want a vacation, your husband wants to pay off a credit card. While it's probably true that opposites attract, the very thing that brings balance to your marriage is the very thing that drives you crazy. Pinterest helps a little with lots of frugal ideas for improving your home or saving money on food, but there's still no pin for growing a money tree. That constant uphill battle to make ends meet (especially while watching everyone else posts pictures of their dream cruise on Facebook) could mean trouble for you.


3. Escapism-Pick your poison...50 Shades of Grey, Farmville, Twilight, Pinterest, Glee, Nicholas Sparks (books and movies), and yes, I will go there, Karen Kingsbury. I don't care what your "drug" of choice is! Part of my problem with the Magic Mike fiasco is that it represents the same thing that women do all of the time in more acceptable ways! They escape from their lives through books, the internet, TV shows, movies and more! The problem with Magic Mike is that it actually looks threatening (well, one woman's threatening is another woman's HOT). And sure, there is thrusting involved. But you are lying to yourself if you don't think that reading fiction books about families who are more dedicated to the Lord than yours, doesn't lead you to a place of coveting. You want that kind of faith, that kind of man, that kind of child. Please hear me on this, I am not shaming you for anything you read or watch, I am only pointing out that escapism is escapism period. 

It's just a fling...that lasts 10 hours a day!

4. Facebook-You hear your baby crying, you know your kids are hungry, you just haven't gotten around to those dishes yet, because you have been playing on Facebook all day long. No judgment here. I live on Facebook these days. And research proves it's addictive. But while you connect with that high school boyfriend or live vicariously through that rich single woman who just went to Italy, you are missing out on your actual life. Facebook has become an acceptable escape from life these days. Even so, I would venture to say that a one time hit of Magic Mike would do a lot less harm than the 10 hours a day you stare at a screen. 




5. Parenting-Mom said "no" so the kids asked Dad. Dad was mowing the grass or watching the game, or tired from a long day at work and said, "I don't care." No matter who overrides who, this is an example of not being on the same page when it comes to the kids. And while it's the classic, "the kids played us" bit, it's only a symptom. You gave up on talking about parenting strategies years ago. And most likely Dad has taken the laid back approach, letting Mom make all the decisions. Because he could never seem to make any right decisions anyway when the kids were young. The result is a constant struggle with you wanting your husband to step up and parent, and relinquishing enough control to actually let him do it.

Look at me, now look at your husband, now look back at me.

6. Old Spice Commercials-You reposted the commercials of that handsome man with the rock hard abs. You know he smells good too. So is it okay to lust as long as it's done in 23 second increments?  


7. "Bad" Habits-Gaining weight, smoking, video games, sports, (to name a few) all of these are culprits for destroying your marriage if only one of you are doing them. It almost plays like an affair. The extreme dedication and loyalty to a habit can leave you feeling neglected and angry at that thing. If you're going to be unhealthy, it's better to do it together or else resentment could grow. If you marry a gamer you better learn live with it or learn to play. These habits and interests are ways for you both to connect with other people more than you connect with each other. 


8. Talking bad about your spouse-I know you think you need to vent, and venting is one thing. I have lots of friends who roll their eyes at their husband's snoring or inability to change the toilet paper roll. But if you are spending any consistent amount of time bitching about your husband's personality flaws to anyone without attempting to communicate these problems/frustrations to him, or better yet, going to counseling, then you are divisive in your marriage. Period.

You had me at prisoner

9. Negativity-In case no one's told you, negativity will destroy all of your relationships. Your constant nagging and view of the half empty glass wears on you and everyone around you. 


10. Scientology-It's a long shot to think that any of my readers are involved in this cult, ahem, religion. But just in case, I give you exhibit A: TomKat. 



Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go watch Mulan to gear up for my trek across China in a few weeks. Escapism indeed!

Come on, I know you wanna say something....