The Following: Even Serial Killers Have Friends

If you know me at all or if you've read this blog, then you know I LOVE a good scare. But sometimes a movie or television show in this genre will reach into a dark place that feels...too scary, too real. Kevin Bacon's new show, The Following is pushing that boundary with me.

Can we just all agree that if we see someone wearing an Edgar Allen Poe mask, we run?

The premise of the show is as follows: Kevin Bacon is a former detective turned writer. Let me just stop there for a moment and reiterate a crucial detail that makes this show legit. Bacon is a FORMER DETECTIVE TURNED WRITER. This is not Castle. This is not some random fiction writer with no credentials helping to solve crimes. Nope. THAT show is ridiculous, and I will not stand for it. But THIS...this makes sense. Moving on...Bacon's character has to come back into the crime solving scene to face a former nemesis and serial killer who happens to have a cult following outside of prison. The story arc for this season is that the serial killer has had his ex-wife's (and Bacon's romantic interest) son kidnapped. Bacon and fellow officers are looking for him, but have very few clues to go on, as this crime has been well thought out and crafted over time. But the episodic formula is that each week someone close to Bacon is the victim of the cult followers. This of course is sprinkled with flashbacks of how each cult member came to serve the serial killer, as well as "random" members of society being victimized.

It's intriguing to say the least. Because you never know who is working for the serial killer. They could be policemen, teachers, nannies, students, even detectives. Pretty sure that'll preach.

Scariest pixie cut ever.

Anyway, all that is fine and dandy and not that different from any other crime drama. BUT...this one dances up to a line of sadism that is cringe worthy. The pain that is inflicted on the victims from week to week is surprising and drastic. Last week's episode featured electromagnets placed on a person with a pacemaker's chest. Eyes have been gouged, mothers have been stabbed, and my personal fear...a man was lit on fire. The thing is, the pain isn't limited to the victims. The cult followers are also susceptible to the torture. When one man ends up caught and in the hospital, he eats the gauze...let me repeat, HE EATS THE GAUZE around his wound until it chokes him.

Of course, maybe the most traumatic kind of pain is emotional. The three followers who are keeping the kidnapped child, have a strange threesome/romantic triangle thing going which creates its own kind of head games. But one of the three has never actually killed anyone. He allows a girl escape and the other two find out. Rather than killing her FOR him, they just bring her back and set her up again, slightly wounded and ready for him to try it again, to kill her. These types of mental/emotional challenges must be overcome to bring about the kind of devotion necessary for a cult to exist and succeed.

Why is it whenever I write about cults, I am reminded of a church I once attended?

The best revenge story since The Cask of Amontillado.

Anyway, The Following is really good. But it will push your limits. It will make you squirm and gasp at times. The show has the potential to go on for a long time. I predict ending this first season with a trade of some kind. Get the kid back for the wife. Or let the serial killer go free for the kid. Once that happens, the game will change, and new characters will come in. Whatever choices they make, I imagine that there is no end to the sadistic tactics that we as watchers will endure.

Are you watching The Following? What do you think?

How NOT To Be On Nancy Grace

I've been watching a lot of crime shows lately. Criminal Minds, Law and Order (SVU), and I am considering starting...(swallow) Castle. Even though I think it's a campy rip off of Moonlighting and the premise itself is ridiculous. A writer being allowed to "help" solve cases! Yeah right. 


It's impossible to watch these shows and manage to avoid seeing the similarities to real life famous cases. There are constant comparisons between the fictional crimes they are investigating to those of high profile cases of the past 50 years. When I think of these media storms, one name comes to mind...Nancy Grace.

You do NOT want to cross this woman. 

Nancy Grace isn't kidding around. Her most recent rampage was directed at Casey Anthony, who was on trial for the murder of her daughter. She is famous for her thick southern accent that delivers her rhetorical and over the top verbal beatings, and of course the entertainment value of her rants. She likes to promote that she is concerned with victim's rights, and often creates more drama than is necessary surrounding any given case. It's working for her. The bottom line is that she is very concerned with making sure criminals get what's coming to them and that victims get vindicated.


A friend of mine suggested the other day that I write a blog about Nancy Grace and these crime shows I've been watching. (I love blog suggestions.) I wasn't sure where to start though.


Criminal Minds, SVU, and other crime dramas are enjoyable to watch because they are formulaic. Watch them enough and you start to get the timing down, you realize that defining lines get said at the same time by the same character in each episode, you start to pick up on whether or not the victim will live or die, and whether or not the criminal will be convicted, captured, or escape. It's a 40 minute roller coaster that you've ridden before. That's part of the fun of these shows. You come in watching what would ordinarily be a terrifying situation but because you've figured out the formula, you feel like you have a sense of power over it.  


I have no idea if these situations translate to real life, but based on what I have seen in my last few weeks of crime drama, I've compiled two lists of ways to avoid having your name come out of Nancy Grace's mouth. Because whether you're the bad guy or the victim, it's just a good idea to avoid being mentioned on her show.


How NOT to be a victim:
Don't go jogging.
Don't even wear work out clothes.
Don't be a blonde.
Don't have hair at all.
Don't be a kid.
If you have to be a kid, leash yourself to your parents.
If you leash yourself to your parents, make sure they are not crazy.
Don't live in the suburbs.
Don't live in the midwest.
Don't go from one room to another in your house.
If you go from one room to another, don't look in the mirror when you get to the second room.
Don't be rich.
Don't drink wine.


How NOT to be a bad guy:
Don't have access to a dungeon, a concrete hole, or any dark damp place.
Don't be anti-social.
Don't be a momma's boy.
Don't have daddy issues.
If you do have any issues, resolve them ASAP.
Don't have a nagging wife who tries to control you.
Don't own random tools.
Don't own a truck or a van.
Don't wear black.
Don't wear boots.
Don't get bullied as a child.
If you do get bullied, channel your anger into being the next Steve Jobs.
Don't be overly religious.


And in the spirit of staying out of all kinds of trouble, here are the famous words of 30 Rock's Jack Donaghy...

What's your plan for avoiding attention from Nancy Grace?