Cabin In The Woods: Take 2

Ok, so I re-watched Cabin In The Woods. I wasn't going to, but so many people that I respect seemed to like it, and so I thought...maybe I missed something. 

Turns out, I did. 

See...I'm a multi-tasker by nature. Usually when I sit and watch movies, I am also blogging, researching, chatting, and eating...though I probably could have not told you about that last one. My students here in China have downloaded a program on my computer that is basically a search engine for movies. Given that China really has no problems pirating American films, I get to watch a LOT of stuff for free. So on my Chinese computer, I watch movies, and on this one, I do this. But the movies on the Chinese computer aren't always great. Sometimes the subtitles get in the way of the action. Other times they are recorded right from the theater. That was the case with Cabin in the Woods. And since I hated the way it began, I think somewhere in all of that, I tuned out.

But I tuned back in recently and rented it on iTunes and stopped everything to really watch it. And it turns out, I liked it better. I appreciated what they were doing with it. The meta stuff that bothered me before was a little more fun the second time around. In fact, I think it ended up being pretty solid. I especially like the ending where they are discussing the "evil gods" and how the sun will rise in 8 minutes. It stands to reason that maybe they are talking about...us...the audience. I mean, we love horror movies, and 8 minutes after that is spoken, the movie ends...lights come up in the theater. Of course they could be referring to movie producers/studios...yeah...let's go with that. Much more evil. At any rate, this meta part of the movie was kind of fun.

Who is more likely the virgin...come on...

Except for 1 thing...

I would have changed the ending. Spoilers coming now:

So we learn that the death of the "virgin" is optional in a movie, and at the end we are left with the girl who is somewhat innocent and sweet even though we know is not a virgin from the very beginning of the movie. Sigourney Weaver explains this by pointing out that they "work with what they have." And we are left with the guy who is the "fool" the drunk, high, nerd boy who is responsible for comedy relief. So the two are both left and the boy has to die in order to keep the "evil gods" from getting mad and destroying the Earth. The girl's death is optional...because she is the "virgin." The two have a moment where she is about to shoot him, but then she is attacked by a werewolf and there's some struggle and Sigourney Weaver and werewolf end up dying. SO...now we are back to just the two, and again, to save the Earth we think that the boy must die. EXCEPT WHAT IF HE TURNS TO HER WITH THE GUN POINTED AND SAYS, "I'M THE VIRGIN!" Boom. He kills her and the world is saved. Because let's face it, he was a much more believable virgin than the girl who we KNOW has had sex. And yes, I get that they are just icons of the greater "formulas" of horror movies, but if you really wanted to meta it out and then twist it up on its end, I think my ending would have ruled. Instead...they sit there, smoke some pot and wait for the world to end. Where are the convictions of these young horror movie characters these days!

So, Cabin in the Woods...worth a watch. Just don't blame me if you aren't thrilled with the ending. I would have obviously opted for something different. 

Who wants to see the movie with MY ending on it!?

I Got Weekend Fat on Garbage Snack Movies

I watched a lot of "new" movies this week. I'm still finishing Desperate Housewives, but sometimes I need a break. I can only describe a few of these movies in the same vein as this girl describes trying the new Candy Corn Oreos. Garbage Snacks. Which might be my new favorite term EVER.

They fought someone who was trying to destroy something.

The Avengers:
Maybe I'm just late to the game on this, but I was bored. Which made me really disappointed. You guys KNOW how I love Superhero movies! What I learned in this movie was that I love the part of those movies when they are discovering their new powers, but when they already have them, it's kind of boring. Plus...what is Scarlett's power? Whoring around? And has Mark Ruffalo ever lost his temper a day in his life?  Anyway, I hung in there through the whole thing, but I'm not gonna lie, I checked out from time to time, and that's unusual. Feel free to talk me into watching a second time. I would be up for it, if you can convince me.

Strings Attached.

Jane Eyre:
One of the ways I love to connect with people is to watch the same movies. Last week, a friend of mine happened to have this recorded so I decided to watch "with" her, and sure enough the Chinese Internet Gods provided the movie! I've heard about Jane Eyre my entire life, but honestly, I just lumped her into that category of movie that I hate. I can see why Jane Eyre is considered a heroine of sorts. She pushes past a traumatic history and comes out on the other side. Her love runs deep. But this particular movie was hard to buy. The woman playing Jane looks like a child. And Michael Fassbender...does not. It held my interest, and was a pretty straightforward story. It lacks the cleverness of Austen's plots (yes, I just gave her credit), but I can see redeeming qualities. If any of you out there LOVE Jane Eyre, please, send me your explanation/defense of it. I need to be convinced.

What's your favorite meta movie?

The Cabin In The Woods:
Um. Ok. So...a meta "horror" movie. Love the concept. And I think I enjoyed the subtle (sometimes too subtle) shout outs to horror films and film-makers from the past. But....ugh! It's like, didn't Scream already meta the horror movie genre before meta was even a thing? With the exception the two teenage hunks (a Hemsworth brother and Jesse Williams!) the rest of what's good about this movie happens in the lab. The idea that you could manipulate a game-like horror movie, with the entire staff making bets on what will happen and celebrating accordingly is kind of fun. But at some point this movie goes beyond meta, beyond horror, and just gets so far over the top. I feel the same way about this that I felt about Black Swan. SO MUCH POTENTIAL. And yet, the overtness, the beating us over the head with the point kind of made it fall short for me.

A real human being...and a real hero?

Drive:
I have never been so conflicted over a movie before. I watched it twice this week and assigned it to several of my friends to watch so that I could decide whether or not I liked it through talking it out with them. Here's what's up. Ryan Gosling and Carey Mulligan are amazing. Their chemistry is adorable/sexy in this movie. I thought this was going to be a movie about a man who drives a "get away" car, and that's how it starts. Gosling is perfect for that. His face is perfect for holding tension. But where the movie goes is surprising and a little frustrating. At times it felt like it was trying to be True Romance. It felt like it was trying to be 80's. It felt like it was trying. And maybe that's the thing that kept me from loving it. Critics have described it as a movie for hipsters, but who can even know...not like they would admit to liking it. And yet...even with my wavering opinion, I still think you should see it.

Have you seen any of these? What did you think?