It's The Final Countdown: How To Leave 'Em Wanting More

One summer a friend of mine and I were working at a camp together. We were given the task to entertain a group of children for an hour. We only had a parachute. She pulled the parachute out began to play with the children. They loved it! But about 30 minutes in, she packed up the parachute and had them play tag, followed by hide and go seek. I was confused. That parachute would have easily entertained them for the entire hour. When I asked her about it later she said something I'd heard a million times, but never really seen in action: "Always leave 'em wanting more!" By quitting at the height of their enjoyment, she could always return with the parachute, it would always entertain them, it would always be successful.

Most fun ever.

It should be that way with television. Each season, we cross our fingers and wait to see if our love for characters, humor, and drama have translated into enough ratings and money to secure a place in next year's line up. This year, the news I was the most anxious to hear revolved around 30 Rock, Parenthood, SMASH (don't judge me) American Horror Story, and Community. All were renewed, even if some of those renewals had conditions such as: Community without Dan Harmon, rumors of entirely new story lines/characters in American Horror Story, and a final season for 30 Rock. I can live with that...just bring them back, I'm not ready to lose them yet!


Listen, no one wants to see their favorite shows cancelled. My cousin and I were the only ones in the world watching Best Friends Forever, and we both understand why it's gone, but are we happy about it? No. Because it speaks to some part of us. We all have our attachment issues, and breaking up is hard to do. But there's one thing that's worse that missing your favorite show....and that's watching it be totally ruined.

I miss them!

There are 2 kinds of show endings. The first is that the creators of the show decide it's time to cut it off. The second is that the network isn't making enough money and decides to cut it off. The most common is the second kind, because the truth is that people don't know when to put the "parachute" away. One notable exception to this is my personal favorite TV show in the history of TV, Six Feet Under. I will fight you to the death about the perfection of Six Feet Under. And here's the amazing thing, it only went 5 seasons. Because creator, Alan Ball, came to the network and said that he felt that the show had run it's course. Yeah, you heard me. He fired himself. But he did it because what he was creating with Six Feet Under was about making good TV. Not about staying on the air as long as possible!


The problem with TV today (wow, I sound old, uptight, and like I know everything. I'm not old.) is that somehow the networks and creators haven't caught onto the fact that for the most part, the generation they are dealing with these days wants authenticity, cleverness, and a sense of purpose. We want it in our own lives, and we want it in the TV characters' lives. And so when a show like ER ends with an entirely different cast than where it started, it doesn't feel real! That's not how we live our lives! It feels desperate and grasping and like this is really all about a paycheck.

Who are these people?

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW it's all about a paycheck, but I don't want to be reminded that it's all about a paycheck. I want to see a story arc come to completion, run it's course. I want to see characters evolve as they face hardship (even if that hardship is a bit too dramatic at times) and come out on the other side. I want to relate to them. And if it's a comedy, I want the inside jokes and one liners that started the show to end with it. Friends was great at this. The characters were strong, they evolved, we literally watched them grow up on TV, and before it was too silly or over the top or they took too many trips out of the country or used too many green screens, it ended. And we still love it today.

Perfect Timing.

But some of our favorites are in danger of going too long. It's time for a few of those shows that we love to consider saying goodbye. Now, don't get upset with me as I name your favorite show for cancellation material, but remember the parachute story. Don't you want to be able to miss it and watch it again without thinking of how boring it got in the end? We are talking quality here, not quantity. I suggest the following shows should go 1 more season and end, securing their places on pedestals instead of falling into the category of "Yeah, I used to watch it before..."

Community-I know. It hasn't been on long enough. But it's been on the chopping block since its inception.  And now, without Dan Harmon, I have my doubts. My friend Amy suggested that the 3 part finale of this season could have served as a great series closer. I agree. But it didn't go quite like that. And so if for some reason, Community actually manages to survive next year, I don't think that it should survive another year after that. Plus, it's community college. They have to leave at some point. And don't even THINK about bringing in new characters.

The Office-Please go away. Not only is it depressing seeing Jim and Pam all married with kids and not nearly as adorable as they once were (a writing issue, not a life situation issue), but Michael Scott was the heart of the show. To try to continue it without him has left me trying to remember why that red headed lady from Florida is in Michael's office and why Andy is acting like a fool. I would be okay to never see James Spader again (the same way I felt about him after seeing The Secretary), and even Dwight's antics can't revive this show. Please, just let it die. Write an ending. Shut Dunder Mifflin Down. Let Dwight and Jim be co-managers. ANYTHING. Just...enough. It hurts to watch.

When it's all over, I vote for a cooking show with Dexter as the host. Specialty: Breakfast.

Dexter-It's finally happened. Deb has finally seen the real Dexter. So, next season it's Deb vs. Dexter. We've always known it had to be this way. But it really has to end this way, and it has to end this season. Deb could go down in history in the Miami Metro Police Department if she turns him in. Is Dexter cold-hearted enough to go after Deb? Can they talk through it? Can Dexter explain and justify his reasons for killing? Will Deb let Dexter go, or will she pull a Sound of Music whistle blow on him and send him running for the hills? If none of the above happen, then we are looking at either the death of Deb, or incest, neither of which we want to see. Kill it off before it's squirming, please.


30 Rock-You know my love for this show, and I've already read that next season is the last. I'm glad. The show has always been a little exaggerated, but within regards to the revolving door of characters, it's been tamed to the love interests of Jack or Liz. This season, bringing on a new page, Hazel, just about killed me. The actress herself drives me crazy, but she doesn't work in the cast. We love Kenneth. But we love him for the role he plays, which is not the protagonist. Liz is the protagonist (though Jack would argue that). The page storyline just gets us off focus from where we really want to be. Tracy, Jenna, Liz, and Jack. So, please. Let Jack call Nancy Donovan (Julianne Moore) and rekindle with her happily in Boston, let Kenneth rise to Jack's position as the new executive, and for the love of God give Liz her baby with her current adorable boyfriend, while she is still happily working on TGS. Let her finally, have it all. 

Grey's Anatomy-You know I love it, but it's time to go. I want to see the characters land. They are grown up doctors now, with grown up relationships. It's time to tie up the loose ends. If Arizona is gonna die, let Mark and Callie live happily ever after. Meredith and Derek have a child now, we want to see them be responsible enough to stay together and raise her after they fought so hard for her. Yang and Hunt are going to get back together and pour themselves into that hospital. Let Bailey have her man. And Alex. Sigh...Alex. Just don't bring in a new batch of residents and get some ER thing going. I don't want this show to be unrecognizable in 5 years. 

Speaking of always leave 'em wanting more...I cannot WAIT!

What shows do you want to see cancelled before they go bad?  

The 411 on the COD for GCB

Wait, do people still use the term 411? Do people even know what it means? Time for a quick lesson! Let me tell you a tale about a time when people didn't have Google or Apps on their phones that gave them all of the information they could ever want. Long ago, if you needed to order your favorite take-out, you had to either: A. Go to the restaurant and order in person.  B. Look up the number in a very large book with very thin pages and very small print.  C. Call 411, also known as Information. And this, oh youthful one, is why we use (used?) the term, 411 in a synonymous way with information.

Holy Mexico, We Got Cancelled!

Now that that's out of the way...let's talk about GCB. Last week when I saw the episode revolving around a Mexican kidnapping, I knew GCB could not last. I mean, Nancy Botwin took 4 seasons before her Weeds crew got involved with a Mexican drug lord. For GCB to attempt something so desperate in the first 10 episodes showed a lack of direction for the show as a long term success. 


But if you ask me, it was doomed way before that. Any show with a name that has to be abbreviated is probably not off to a good start. The title, Good Christian Bitches, just won't fly in a society where the primary goals seem to be putting a lock on birth control and gay marriage. Add an abbreviated title to a controversial subject (religion), put the show on Sunday night (church night), and you have a recipe for disaster on par with that Australian millionaire who's building Titanic Two. 

Not everything is bigger in Texas.

I hear you out there saying, "But Kristin Chenoweth is so cute!" True. Yet it's been proven a few times before that her bite-sized cuteness is too big for TV. Of course Chenoweth wasn't the only problem with GCB. The ultimate reason GCB can't resurrect is the same for all TV shows that end; they can't find an audience. 

No one at church looks this good.

The dramatic scenarios that GCB presented were all too real within the spectrum of the wealthy religious community. In other words, it hits too close to home for church ladies to see themselves portrayed as  catty women stabbing each other in the back. I, for one, found the episode based on setting up the single people in the church uncomfortably realistic. Because if you are truly following the Lord, you should be married by now. GCB could have taken off if more people in religious communities knew how to laugh at themselves, but instead, it served as a mirror reflecting all of the most embarrassing parts of being associated with a church. 


One might think that the show would appeal to a non-religious crowd. That they would take their chance to make fun of the religious right. But the material seemed too far-fetched for people who are not a part of that community to catch the nuance of truthiness in it. That, and maybe non-religious people don't want to make fun of religious people. Just recently a study showed that people who do not adhere to religion are more compassionate than those who do. 

Just another day as a conservative Christian woman.

Even if that has nothing to do with it, it's safe to say that neither the left or the right, the religious or the non-religious were interested in what GCB had to offer. Whether offended or apathetic, the would be audience that GCB could have benefited from just never embraced the idea of hot church ladies dealing with Glee type issues in a Desperate Housewives way. 


And for the few people who were watching, the small group of Christian ladies who could recognize their best friends in every single line of dialogue and felt twinges of conviction at the absurdity of the behavior of Chenoweth and her friends, the watching had to be kept a secret. That's right. The social conversations that keep television shows afloat these days could never happen with this guilty pleasure. For this demographic, watching GCB was accompanied with a level of shame due to the simple facts that the religious like to keep their sex and their spirituality separate, and there is no such thing as holy humor. 


I guess it's fair to say that GCB out-Christianed itself.