Why I Cry When Music Idols Die

It started back in January. I rolled over to the sound of the buzzing alarm on my phone and searched for the snooze button. I am not a snoozer really, but I will allow myself those 9 minutes between the initial waking and the getting out of bed to quickly look at what I've missed in the world while I was asleep. I pulled up Facebook first and clicked over to the trending topics. Personal notifications are like candy...they are the people I know saying something I care about, liking or commenting on my links and pictures, they're the dessert. But the trending topics must come first. I need to know if it's worth it to get out of bed each day. I always look at the trending topics and think, maybe today is the day the giant Interstellar wave or Melancholia is going to destroy earth. If that's the case, I have bourbon to drink and people to call. Teaching is not an option on a day like that. Trending topics tell me what I have missed that our society has decided matters. And so on this particular day when I clicked over to see the stats on the latest mass shooting, or what Kardashian was in the news, I never expected to see that David Bowie had died.

I felt my eyes well up immediately. I thought about my cousin who introduced me to Bowie when we were children. My 36 years flashed before my eyes and I saw myself as a child watching Labyrinth, driving along in my rusty Datsun as a teenager with Heroes blasting, and more recently, celebrating his music in some of my favorite movies and television shows of the last few decades, The Wedding Singer, Moulin Rouge, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, and American Horror Story just to name a few. Even though I was born in 1979 and missed several of Bowie's more celebrated phases, his music was still working its way through my life in 2016.

My 9 minutes were up, and though the world wasn't ending with some massive wave or planet crashing into Earth, the news of Bowie's death felt just as devastating and final as any of those apocalyptic situations might.

I showered, got ready, and drove my hour commute while singing Heroes through uncontrollable sobs, the entire way. My mom was in town, and that night we watched as tribute was paid. I'm crying now just thinking of it.

Last week was no different. When the news of Prince's death made its way to me (this time via text), I cried. I cried so hard. I was so grumpy and mad at the injustice of it, though death shows no prejudice. I flashed back to all the upbeat pop songs I enjoyed in my childhood, the way Prince was clearly doing a "new" thing in regards to perception, fashion, branding, and from what I could tell in my limited teen knowledge of these things, he even seemed to be playing with gender and sexuality in a way that made him almost impossible to label. But it didn't matter that no one could label him, because everyone loved his music. I have spent the weekend discussing Prince with my friends, most of whom are older than me, and they were as devastated by his passing as I was. Shocked, sad, and yet, we were all so confused as to why this matters to us in ways that make us feel grief so big and real.

So I thought about it, and here are a few of my theories:

1. Nostalgia.-These artists take us back to a time when life was not as hard or complicated. Innocence was in tact, mistakes had yet to be made. I didn't have many regrets as an 8 year old, and not even as an 18 year old. We were more carefree than we are now. And not just because of age, but because the world was different. Not to say that it was better, it was just so different and given that all change is perceived as loss, it only makes sense that we would long for those years of simplicity. It's the curse of humanity...it's what Gatsby is about. It's what everything is about. Almost all of us want to go back in time to relive, change, or simply just relish in a moment. Music transports us to those times, and we are able to almost feel the same feelings that we once felt. Unburdened and pure.

2. Music is not what it once was.-This is not to say that all music today sucks. I want to be clear on that. However, with technologies like autotune and apps that play the guitar for you, it's easier than ever to produce music. But make no mistake, it is a production. It's not always art, it's lights and choreography, and sometimes it's barely music. Bowie and Prince (among others of that time) had to be all in. They were pursuing their dreams, not dabbling on the side hoping for YouTube views and Facebook likes. They had to learn to play instruments, and usually taught themselves. They had to write music and constantly reinvent themselves along with the culture. Marketing today is easier than ever with social media. Everyone has their 15 minutes of fame, but these musicians worked hard for it. And they were and remain impressive. A few years ago I heard Fleetwood Mac perform and it was truly a performance. They played for almost 4 hours straight, despite being in their 70's, and didn't miss a note. This is in great contrast with Justin Bieber who performed 6 songs and an encore in Fresno a few weeks ago. Fleetwood Mac told stories of sharing one room and a queen sized mattress between the 5 of them and hoping that Stevie's mom would send some cash soon so they could eat. They lived and breathed music and not because it made them money, but because it was their calling. It was art, and art is worth the risk. It's worth the sacrifice. Like I said before, I'm not opposed to music of today. I love some of the up and coming singers like James Bay, Matt Simons, and that Zayn song Pillowtalk is downright catchy.  I am so ready (and a little scared) to hear Beyonce's Lemonade in its entirety. But let's be real...Art paves the way for art. And without Liberace, Bowie, and Prince, there would be no Lady Gaga. One day we will see who Gaga is paving the way for, but it will only be a re-invention, a revamping of what has come before, which is completely expected and wonderful. We can celebrate the revision, but we should honor the foundation.

Lady Gaga's honored Bowie, and also wrote a nice tribute to Prince. She gets it.

3. We are all feeling something together.-My good friend profoundly shared this sentiment with me last week when I posed the question to her about why I cried over Prince, and she is spot on. In no way is Prince's death on par with 9/11 in terms of tragedy, nor would I compare it to other things I have grieved in my life. But the unity of sadness that stretches across our nation and even world in times like these is undeniable. We are all reminiscing, we are all singing in unison. The technology of our day is even participating. Google and Snapchat responded with Purple Rain filters and images. Weather channels changed their graphic colors from green rain to purple for the day. Prince's 2007 Super Bowl performance went viral...again. iTunes moved his music and movies to their front pages because of the onslaught of purchases. We united in grieving together. And while it would be nice if we could find a way to do this on the daily for refugees, the poor, and the persecuted in our world...this feels like a start. For a few hours, billions of people were having a political/agenda-free shared experience, connecting over music and memories. And honestly, I think that is something we all crave more than we can bring ourselves to admit.

As Prince said, "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life." I think the implication of these words are that we get through it, together.

So You Finished Season 3 of Downton Abbey...

First of all...welcome. I've been expecting you. Having sat quietly on that horrific ending of Season 3 for the last 2 months, I can honestly say that it's been tough watching your Facebook posts of celebration over marriages, babies, Bates' freedom, and Thomas not being a complete asshat. But alas, the celebration is over.

Matthew is dead.

Wait, I think I saw him breathe!

I've seen lots of anger at Julian Fellowes on Facebook and received quite a few texts regarding this most recent plot twist turn dead end. And it is in fact, tragic and maybe a bit reactionary. But my questions are not for Fellowes, they're for Dan Stevens.

What kind of guiding principles do you have that lead you away from THE most watched show in PBC history? Stevens insists he has other things coming down the pipe, some stage shows in New York, some writing opportunities, maybe a movie or two. He swears that he didn't want to be just the next big TV star. But my gut says he just put a nail in the coffin of his short-lived stardom.

The NICEST thing Fellowes could have done for him was to kill him off, because it keeps us sympathetic for him. Had Matthew left Mary, we would HATE him. Plot-wise it had to happen that way. Mary has a son, Matthew is practically Judas...serving his poetic purpose in a much larger story.

Ok, let's do this, I have to make a stop by Downton Abbey for what is basically becoming a British Horror Story.

Stevens' decision to leave goes directly against something I recently read from Tina Fey that I have adopted into my own guiding philosophy. Fey says:

The fun is always on the other side of a yes. Say yes, and you'll figure it out afterward. This has helped me to be more adventurous. It has definitely helped me be less afraid.

"We're offering you a job here at 'Saturday Night Live' -- can you move here within a week?"

"Ummm, yes I can."

"You know, you haven't been here that long, but do you want to move up and try to be one of the head writers?"

Feeling completely terrified inside, but saying, "Uhhh, yes, okay, yes, for sure."

"Do you wanna do 'Weekend Update' with Jimmy?"

Petrified. "Yes, thank you, of course!"

There are limits of reason to this idea of saying yes to everything, but when I meet someone whose first instinct is "No, how can we do that? That doesn't seem possible," I'm always kind of taken aback. Almost anyone would say, "It's Friday at two in the morning. We don't have an opening political sketch. We can't do it." Yeah, of course you can. There's no choice. And even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward. 

I remember observing the tendency people have to say "no" first when I was on staff at a church. No matter what was thrown out as a new idea, the fact it was new meant that there was built-in resistance. I was disgusted that our members and staff were investing themselves by thinking about the church and trying to make it better, only to be shut down around every corner. Fey's advice and experience resonates with me on a very personal level. Saying "no" guarantees one thing...that nothing changes. You stay as poor, as rich, as successful, as stuck, as happy, and as depressed as you are at that moment. A yes, guarantees movement every time.

Does this look like the face of the next big superstar?

Steven's might get by for a few more years on his floppy blonde hair and his sultry eyes, but I find it hard to believe that he will ever compete with the likes of Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling  on the big screen. I understand the concept of "leave 'em wanting more" but I also understand the concept of job security and being the most adored character on a super popular TV show. Ok...I don't understand that last part at all, but man...if I did, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't say no.

How long can Downton go on like this? Who will leave next? Why is this happening!? IS THIS REAL LIFE!!!???

 

Kill Your Darlings or The One With All The Spoilers

Some people think it was Whitman, others Stephen King...but I think William Faulkner said it first. "In writing, you must kill all your darlings." And that's what this blog is all about, kind of...TV Deaths.

Such a darling, they had to bring him back.

I will be giving away spoilers. Lots of them. I will do my best to label each section of the blog with what shows I am discussing in order to spare you in case you are not caught up.

If killing your darlings makes for good writing, these next shows did it up right. Some deaths were shocking, others we saw coming, but all of them were devastating.

Who Died 

Spoilers for The Walking Dead, Downton Abbey (Season 3), 90210, Six Feet Under, Game of Thrones, Dexter, Desperate Housewives, ER, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Buffy The Vampire Slayer:

ER-Dr. Green-He was the heartbeat of the show, and I stopped watching ER when he died. Consequently, I can never hear that version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" the same way again.
Game of Thrones-Eddard Stark-I thought the entire show was going to center around him! And it did. Until it didn't.
LOST-Charlie, Sun, Jin-A lot of people died on this show (eventually most of them). But these three deaths were particularly tough to watch. Charlie's heroic death showed the evolution of his rock star character beautifully. While losing Sun and Jin was just sad because of how their love grew and changed while on the island.
Grey's Anatomy-Lexie, McSteamy, Denny, Henry-Gosh, the list of deaths on this show is a little alarming. I didn't even name them all. But these were a few of the "darlings." We've discussed in detail the most recent deaths, but two of the most shocking for me were Denny and the more recent, Henry. Both were so loved and both came as kind of a surprise, keeping true love and happiness away from both Izzie and Teddy.

This was seriously shocking.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer-Tara, Buffy's Mom-Tara's death in this show made me cry harder than any death I've ever seen on a show before. It is maybe one of the most shocking deaths I've ever seen. And the way the show explored grief in light of Buffy's mom's death was brilliant and heartbreaking. Way to go Joss Whedon!
Downton Abbey-Sybil- Yep. Talk about killing a darling. I won't give more details, since this is not even common knowledge in America yet...but it's a tough one.
The Walking Dead-Lori-I knew either Lori or the baby had to go, and no one wants to see a baby die, so...naturally it had to be her. The way it happened was pretty rough and will no doubt have a lasting effect on Carl, and even Rick who has been an asshole to her all season.
Six Feet Under-Nate-A death has never angered me as much as this one. I think because of who he was with when it happened...I always held out hope for him and Brenda. Thank God he reincarnated as Adam Braverman.

There's a lot of death represented in this picture.

Dexter-Rita-I didn't see it coming until Dexter was walking into his house. The episode should have been over. And then it hit me....Rita. And it was just so horrifying.
Desperate Housewives-Mike-Why on earth couldn't the writers let Mike live! When he was shot on that porch, I couldn't believe that Susan was going to end up alone again. I mean...so much angst!
90210-Scott-This might be the first death that surprised me on TV. Scott wasn't a main character, but he was innocent and sweet and David's friend. When he accidentally shot himself, I couldn't believe it had actually happened. Of course the episode was agenda driven with a gun safety message, but it was still pretty eye opening for my teenage self at the time.

These next shows tried to trick us. Maybe they came to the brink but chickened out, maybe ratings plummeted, whatever the reason, these are some shows that almost killed someone off.

Who Almost/Seemingly Died

Spoilers for Glee, Dallas, Revenge, Grey's Anatomy, Lost

Glee-Quinn-Texting and driving isn't always fatal.
Dallas-Bobby-Turning entire seasons of TV shows into dreams.
Revenge-Victoria-So the plane crash that supposedly killed her, didn't.
Grey's Anatomy-Meredith-She did technically die, but aside from giving us some insight into her dark and twisty brain, this moment mostly served the show by jumping the shark.
Lost-Juliet-This woman had 9 lives. She kept getting in situations that should have killed her, but managed to hold out for a while before actually biting the bullet.

Oh, I thought I was watching Grey's not Lost...oh, wait, what?

These next shows have/had potential to rock our worlds. Here's a few ideas of how I think they could/should do it.

Who Needs To Die/Should Have Died

There are no spoilers here, only speculations.

Glee-Quinn-For all of Glee's hard hitting agendas, they sure did let up on this one pretty easily. Think about it. It wouldn't have been that horrible to kill her off. I mean, I like Quinn, I actually like her a lot. Which is THE WHOLE POINT. She's a darling! If you want to teach kids not to text and drive, do more than put her in a wheelchair for a few weeks. Let's see how Mr. Shue comes up with the appropriate funeral songs...or better yet, let's just all be silent for a minute and reflect on the seriousness of Quinn dying because of a stupid text message.
Revenge-Nolan or Jack-If you really want to kill a darling, these two need to go. Raise the stakes a little here and let's see what happens to Emily and Amanda with Jack out of the picture. Who has Emily's back once Nolan is dead. It's time for something drastic to happen. I don't want Victoria dead because if that ever happens (and it has to with a title like Revenge), it has to be at the hands of Emily.

Like this, only at the end.

Dexter-Dexter or Deb-I'm less than thrilled with this season of Dexter, I always thought the show should END with a confrontation between Dexter and Deb, which would be awesome and terrifying and just...epic. But here we are. I believe that either Dexter or Deb must die, and preferably one will kill the other. I know that's pretty hard hitting, but if you want us to take it seriously, then it has to be serious.
Criminal Minds-Reid or Garcia-The thing about crime shows is that they can just keep going and going. But this one actually has a good character arc within the week to week case solving. Reid and Garcia are the ones we love the most and their deaths would no doubt shake up the show. I think Reid could be on the chopping block for this season...
SVU-Olivia-Without Olivia, there is no SVU now that Stabler's gone. But statistics alone show that being the primary officer for 14 years on 304 cases (and those are just the ones we get to see on TV) Olivia would probably be hurt if not killed by now.

Which TV death made you cry, shocked you, or made you relieved? Who would you like to see killed off?