A Prideful Letter Of Persuasion Against Unmerited Prejudice

My dear Ms. Weekend Fat,

You must pardon my affrontery, my friend, and allow me to refute your shocking censure of historically-set cinema. Your claims, however strongly felt, are contrary to every feeling on the subject. Your disdain for those of us who enjoy watching "women in binding clothing" shows a lack of taste I have not met with in all my days. What words can be spoken against a man with longish hair sporting a high collar and cravat, I ask you? What manner of woman feels nothing for another who is prevented from loving someone not of her station? Amber, where is your heart? I will now endeavor to address the offenses you laid against period cinema: The Four Feathers had many a handsome man in their regimentals, therefore you can not complain about any other vice the movie may have contained.  Master. Simply because you lack the education to distinguish a butler from his master does not mean this skill cannot be learnt. You are a woman of education and have improved your mind with much reading. All the anger notwithstanding, exert yourself my friend or simply watch alongside myself for clearer understanding. Or text me.  Butler. Clueless is a most worthy adaptation to be sure, but it does not prevent me from enjoying the sight of Jeremy Northam in a cravat in its counterpart, the movie Emma. If you desire to find something amiss, hate with me if you will, the simpering face, painfully tight hair, and fake accent of Gwyneth Paltrow. goop indeed! Your assertion that Kiera Knightley and Anne Hathaway are interchangeable is a scandalous falsehood! Don't be daft! Other than wearing a very bad wig, Kiera is a very fine Elizabeth Bennet. She is made even finer by the work of Joe Wright and the amazing acting of Matthew MacFayden. I will speak no more about Miss Hathaway for we have discussed her previously, and at a greater length than she deserves. As for your admiration of Sense and Sensibility, this shows me that you have not lost both yourself. You are to be commended. Only your great taste in other fine areas of art and culture could release you from saying you cannot abide Emma Thompson. And Colin Firth and Hugh Grant as well? You are devoid of every proper feeling. Just sayin'.  I must allow that your love for Helen Mirren does speak of some spark of feeling. For a woman with liberal notions such as yourself, your acceptance of her as Ayn Rand shows a warmth of affection that is generally pleasing.  Have you lost your senses woman? Of all the Bronte works, to accept the one that is so affected, so altogether immoral and displeasing as Wuthering Heights? This is not to be borne! As for Mr. Pitt, do not speak his name to me again for I have declared my strong opinion of his bafoonery in the comments of your blog entitled The Failures of Jennifer Anniston.  As for stories, I daresay there is not one more beloved story than Pride and Prejudice. It has recommended itself to every generation for nigh on two centuries. If you would but read it! (Note to self:start pinning for a bicentennial party next year). Cravat. I know not how seeing Alan Rickman as Snape would have tainted my love for him as Colonel Brandon. Thankfully,his performance as Colonel Brandon preceded his Harry Potter tenure. I do know that not even the sight of him as Sheriff of Nottingham alongside Kevin Costner, a man with not so much as an accent never mind a cravat, did not sway me in the least. A cravat goes a long way my friend.  If you can view Amadeus with no objection, you must surely find regard for these aforementioned stories. If you can find your way to overlooking powdered wigs of a most ridiculous nature, then you will surely flow with approbation of such movies as other women find exceedingly divertive. (That means you will like them soon.) I beg leave to ask that you recommend me fondly to your readers. I thank you most prodigiously for the opportunity.  Warmest regards,  RB (Romelle Blanton is a hippie homeschooling mom, the blight of her normal neighborhood, and a fan of cravats. She is mother to 2 adults, 4 children, and is happily married...annoyingly so. You can read more from her on her blog, Raising His Child.)