A Prideful Letter Of Persuasion Against Unmerited Prejudice

My dear Ms. Weekend Fat,

You must pardon my affrontery, my friend, and allow me to refute your shocking censure of historically-set cinema. Your claims, however strongly felt, are contrary to every feeling on the subject. Your disdain for those of us who enjoy watching "women in binding clothing" shows a lack of taste I have not met with in all my days. What words can be spoken against a man with longish hair sporting a high collar and cravat, I ask you? What manner of woman feels nothing for another who is prevented from loving someone not of her station? Amber, where is your heart? I will now endeavor to address the offenses you laid against period cinema: The Four Feathers had many a handsome man in their regimentals, therefore you can not complain about any other vice the movie may have contained.  Master. Simply because you lack the education to distinguish a butler from his master does not mean this skill cannot be learnt. You are a woman of education and have improved your mind with much reading. All the anger notwithstanding, exert yourself my friend or simply watch alongside myself for clearer understanding. Or text me.  Butler. Clueless is a most worthy adaptation to be sure, but it does not prevent me from enjoying the sight of Jeremy Northam in a cravat in its counterpart, the movie Emma. If you desire to find something amiss, hate with me if you will, the simpering face, painfully tight hair, and fake accent of Gwyneth Paltrow. goop indeed! Your assertion that Kiera Knightley and Anne Hathaway are interchangeable is a scandalous falsehood! Don't be daft! Other than wearing a very bad wig, Kiera is a very fine Elizabeth Bennet. She is made even finer by the work of Joe Wright and the amazing acting of Matthew MacFayden. I will speak no more about Miss Hathaway for we have discussed her previously, and at a greater length than she deserves. As for your admiration of Sense and Sensibility, this shows me that you have not lost both yourself. You are to be commended. Only your great taste in other fine areas of art and culture could release you from saying you cannot abide Emma Thompson. And Colin Firth and Hugh Grant as well? You are devoid of every proper feeling. Just sayin'.  I must allow that your love for Helen Mirren does speak of some spark of feeling. For a woman with liberal notions such as yourself, your acceptance of her as Ayn Rand shows a warmth of affection that is generally pleasing.  Have you lost your senses woman? Of all the Bronte works, to accept the one that is so affected, so altogether immoral and displeasing as Wuthering Heights? This is not to be borne! As for Mr. Pitt, do not speak his name to me again for I have declared my strong opinion of his bafoonery in the comments of your blog entitled The Failures of Jennifer Anniston.  As for stories, I daresay there is not one more beloved story than Pride and Prejudice. It has recommended itself to every generation for nigh on two centuries. If you would but read it! (Note to self:start pinning for a bicentennial party next year). Cravat. I know not how seeing Alan Rickman as Snape would have tainted my love for him as Colonel Brandon. Thankfully,his performance as Colonel Brandon preceded his Harry Potter tenure. I do know that not even the sight of him as Sheriff of Nottingham alongside Kevin Costner, a man with not so much as an accent never mind a cravat, did not sway me in the least. A cravat goes a long way my friend.  If you can view Amadeus with no objection, you must surely find regard for these aforementioned stories. If you can find your way to overlooking powdered wigs of a most ridiculous nature, then you will surely flow with approbation of such movies as other women find exceedingly divertive. (That means you will like them soon.) I beg leave to ask that you recommend me fondly to your readers. I thank you most prodigiously for the opportunity.  Warmest regards,  RB (Romelle Blanton is a hippie homeschooling mom, the blight of her normal neighborhood, and a fan of cravats. She is mother to 2 adults, 4 children, and is happily married...annoyingly so. You can read more from her on her blog, Raising His Child.)

Gwyneth Paltrow's goop Is Adorable

Have you heard of Gwyneth Paltrow's "lifestyle company" goop? I wasn't exactly sure what a "lifestyle company" was supposed to consist of, so when a friend of mine shared a link promoting goop a few weeks ago, I had no clue what to expect when I clicked. goop is not new, in fact it's been around since 2008, and has most widely been recognized as an easy target for anyone looking to pick on Paltrow or point out how removed from reality she is. We'll talk more about that in a minute.


I think it's really important before you check out goop, that you examine your feelings about G. Pal. I happen to enjoy her. My introduction to her was in Hook, but I stuck around through her Sliding Doors, Great Expectations, and Hush days, and finally to Shakespeare in Love and The Talented Mr. Ripley. By the time she appeared in the extremely hilarious but little appreciated View From The Top, I was a sold out fan. Her versatility as an actress is impressive enough, but it's more than that; I just like her.

I want to create something that will change the world. I shall call it...goop.

When she did the duet "Cruisin'" with Huey Lewis, it became my favorite song for a while. Do I think she's an amazing vocalist, nope, but her voice is clear, on pitch, and low enough for me to sing along with, and Huey Lewis is my man, so naturally I could respect her early attempt at a singing career. When she married the lead singer of Coldplay, Chris Martin, I was only jealous for a little while. When they named their baby, Apple, my admiration took a brief hiatus. Come on, no one's perfect.


So now you realize that the Paltrow pump was primed for me to enjoy goop. But I can see how someone who does not enjoy her might think that goop is just another display of celebrity narcissism. With some products, if you don't buy into the person, it's hard to buy into the brand. For example, I am convinced that ProActiv doesn't work because I think Jessica Simpson is stupid. And due to my extreme aversion to vikings, I will never own a Capital One card.


If you do find yourself at peace with Gwyneth and decide to venture into goop, I think you'll find it is actually kind of fun. For starters, the appearance and layout is super simple and appealing. Lots of pictures, not too many words. Little icons float across the top of the page, each one standing for a category that you will find on goop. I have attempted to summarize them below:

Make-Recipes for foods that no one in your house will eat

Go-Travel to places you will most likely never go

Get-Products you will want but cannot afford to buy

Do-DIY which translates to watching someone else do something for you

Be-Wellness tips for losing those 2 pounds or getting in touch with your inner goddess

See-A catch-all highlighting anything that doesn't clearly fit into one of the above categories

Ok, that was snarky. But that's how you will read them if you're not careful. The truth is, I love getting a glimpse into this type of upper crust living. Haven't you seen my obsession with Gossip Girl and Revenge?

You had me at "cultural notes."

Anyway, you can sign up to receive the weekly newsletter or just visit the website at your leisure. I signed up just to see what would happen. My first newsletter came last week and it was detailing the various ways that famous hotels around the world make beds. The first thing I noticed is that I would never be able to afford staying at these hotels. That is, not until I write my first (50) best-selling books. I will also never need to know how to make a "hospital corner" or recognize the importance of the right amount of moisture in order to get that perfectly crisp sheet. There were videos to help me fully understand these "bedding recipes." I sat through every single one, fascinated that bedding recipes are a thing, and wondering how to doctor up my own straw mattress situation while here in China.


Ok, ok, so goop is not Pinterest, and it's not even on par with Oprah's website or magazine, O. Pinterest offers legitimate trendy tips based on real life experiences that are usually tried out by people who live on a budget. Oprah might seem to be a natural well of deep wisdom, but even she knows when to bring in an actual licensed professional. These two are clearly legit and have their places in the world.

How funny! When I'm not doing pilates or walking red carpets, I spend my days just like this.

But that's part of what makes Gwyneth Paltrow's goop so adorable. She has no clue that her advice, her "lifestyle" is not accessible to 99% of the people in this world. She grew up immersed in a rich and famous culture and knows nothing different. goop is her way of sharing what she knows. It's really no different than your blog, or diary of your experiences. That is, if your blog or diary were written between daily massages with a Montblanc pen while Chris Martin sings a love song to you on the 900 thread count sheets you share with him. Yes, she has a good life, and yes she seems to believe wholeheartedly that you will just LOVE her little known tips that she has learned while doing the kind of living that she does.


And THAT is really what's at the core of my thoughts about Paltrow. She has all the trappings of this perfect life, and yet she so clearly has a blind spot when it comes to how the world really works. I think I can relate to that blind spot thing. But as far as goop goes, it's like watching a baby kissing "another baby" in the mirror, or watching a dog chase his tail. Do you shake the baby or hold the dog accountable for their ridiculous actions, or do you grab the video camera and film it, laugh with friends, and ooh and ahh over how cute it is? Exactly. No need to tell Gwyneth she's living in a fantasy world. Just try enjoy her for who she is.

What do you think about Gwyneth? 

What do you think about goop? What other celebrities come across as totally out of touch with reality?