Scary Songs

There are very few moments in my life that are not accompanied by music. Music is my jam. My iTunes collection has about 7000 very diverse songs in it. Of course I have my favorite 1000 of those, (who can choose a favorite!), but there are many I never listen to at all. And then there are the skippers. You know what I'm talking about. The ones that you include on the playlists because you like them in theory, you like the artist, the title is familiar to you...but once it starts playing...you skip it. There are many categories these songs can fall into, but the one that will get a skip from me every time is the scary song.

I'm not talking about Monster Mash. I'm talking about the ones that haunt you. I'm talking Chris Isaak. I'm talking about the the song that starts playing in my apartment while I'm in the shower, and actually causes me get out of the shower to go change it because if I continue to listen, I will be thrown into a world of fear that someone is lurking around my home. This applies to the car too. It even applies to walking. The minute these songs start to play, my brain signals that something is not right and my fight or flight instincts kick in; I flee. I look around to make sure that the minor chords didn't manifest into any actual creepiness and try to keep going...but things are not quite the same for a few songs after that. Here are 10 songs that resonate that way for me. I have included videos, but try to just listen to the music apart from the visuals to get the full effect.

Mad World-Gary Jules 
Maybe it's the Donnie Darko association, but this song is hands down the most haunting song I have ever heard. There's something about the simplicity of the song. The piano carries the music that moves up and down the scale, and when Gary's slightly raspy voice hits the very center of the notes with no wavering, he hangs on them just a second too long. This song is not about flair. When the violin comes in and the lyrics begin to talk about children, the song nails the formula for a truly haunting song.

Thriller-Michael Jackson
When MJ is actually singing, Thriller is not that scary. In fact, it's a fun pop song! When the drums kick off the repetitive bass line it's the perfect foundation for the lyrics that tell us a story of what it's like to be afraid of something. But just when you're comfortable with what's happening, Vincent Price decides to open his big mouth and it's all downhill from there. Sound effects of graves and zombie marching, plus an old pipe organ, create an ambiance that takes me back to being 5 years old again, hiding my eyes behind my fingers praying that MJ doesn't come glare at me with his yellow eyes later tonight.

Roman's Revenge-Nicki Minaj
Nicki Minaj is not right. And I mean that in the most Southern sense of the words. This song is not for the faint of heart. It's haunting for a very different reason than most of the songs on this list, and the only song on this list that I don't make a habit of skipping. I don't skip it because it's great to exercise to. Anyway, the song features Eminem and one of Nicki's alter-ego's, Roman. The two of them rap some pretty risque lyrics that will hurt the ears of any woman with sexual sensitivities. And also there might be some barking in the song.

Hazard-Richard Marx
I love Richard Marx. A friend of mine growing up used to brag that he was her 13th cousin. I was jealous. Something about the hair...and also that song that everyone used to play on the piano...I will be right here waiting for you. Such a beautiful love song. But THIS one is not that. Hazard tells the story of a young woman, Mary, who goes missing in a small Midwestern town. The music itself is simple and minor, but the lyrics leave room for questioning whether or not Marx committed the murder, which leaves the listener with an uneasy feeling.

Sweet Dreams-Marilyn Manson 
The original version of this song is not totally off the hook for being creepy. But anything in the hands of Marilyn Manson is bound to plunge into the deepest darkest places. The guitar plays the familiar rhythm of the song as we know it, but Manson's voice comes almost monotone. When the drums and band kick in, it's heavy and oppressive. Then, all of that drops out and Manson practically squeaks out the lyrics through his teeth, adding in a few lines with a childlike voice before he takes it up an octave, screaming "SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THESE..." It's really a nightmare. And I double dog dare you to watch the video.

Total Eclipse Of The Heart-Bonnie Tyler
Even though this epic song has become a joke...especially with the literal version of the video coming out a few years ago, but it still holds a scary place in my heart. The song itself has that "Meatloaf" feel to it, and the repetitiveness of "turn around" gives it a little added eeriness. This one might make the list due simply to associations. It plays a subtle but important role in one of my favorite concept scary movies, Urban Legend. But I think the real trauma of this song comes from a drama I was made to perform over and over when I worked at a Christian camp. It's no secret that weirdly emotional and overly dramatic things go down Christian camps. And this song turned into some kind of struggle between Jesus and Satan...and well...now I've freaked you out too.  

Hotel California-The Eagles
When my mother wanted to learn to play Guitar Hero, this is the song she started with. It took her hours to get past the first few measures. That was 3 years ago. To this day, I cannot hear the intro of the song without feeling haunted by it. But even aside from my mother, this song is creepy! The super repetitive music is haunting, but add to it the lyrics and this is one hotel you want nothing to do with...and it goes on and on and on....

The Late Great Planet Earth-Plumb
If you are not familiar with Plumb, you should be. Their (her) music is under the Christian category, but in the same way of Switchfoot...in that it's really pretty good. I suggest that you start with the album, candycoatedwaterdrops. This particular song is on that album, and it always leaves me with a weird feeling. It starts with a static countdown and then the full band kicks in with this guitar riff that is played through the whole song. Punctuated here and there are some symphonic overtones that make it a little more epic and haunting. Oh, and if you couldn't tell from the title, the song is apocalyptic which of course gives it an added measure of doom. Everybody, save yourself.

The Nights That The Lights Went Out In Georgia-Reba McIntyre 
Having grown up in the South, but lived many places, I can tell you that nothing is as frightening as something with the label, Southern Gothic. This song is just that. It tells the story of a murder and has all of the elements that we love about the South: hangings, backwoods lawyers and judges, blood, anger, guns, and porches. If you've every actually driven through South Georgia, you know the last thing you want is the lights going out. The way Reba sings the song is almost whispery, and like a lot of the songs mentioned here, the repetitiveness is what gives it the thrill. Plus the ending is chill inducing.

Uninvited-Alanis Morissette
On Jagged Little Pill, Alanis has a "hidden track" that I would actually like to add to this list, but it's a little obscure. Just listen to the entire album, and you will see what I mean. She's basically an intruder in someone's house. The stalker quality, not to mention a total absence of music, is terrifying. Oh, and it comes out of nowhere. You think the cd is over, you're sitting in silence, and suddenly Alanis is right there again, singing about her weird obsession with someone. You know what...I was gonna mention Uninvited, but I think I will just leave it with the hidden track instead.  I think it's called, "Your House."

What songs give you the heebie-jeebies? 

Which songs haunt you?

A Crash Course in 90's Pop-Culture

It's a well accepted fact that each generation must pass on important information to the next generation. The world of pop-culture is no exception. My mother and father excelled in this realm. I've mentioned before, that my father instilled in me a love for Alfred Hitchcock and old movies. My mother spent our long Sunday car rides to church teaching me and my brother songs like Bohemian Rhapsody and American Pie. By the time I was 11, I was wearing bell bottoms, tie-dyed shirts, and wishing I'd been born 2 decades earlier. 

I had that outfit. Both of them. 90's "fashion."

It recently came to my attention that "kids" today are missing out on this necessary passing down of pop-culture. Maybe their parents are too busy working multiple jobs in this economy to spend time teaching them about the 90's. Or maybe their sphere of influence is limited to what crosses their newsfeed on a daily basis. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse. It's time for me (with the help of my friends) to give a crash course to today's college students about what they missed in 90's pop-culture. 

Here are some people who were big in the 90's and maybe their careers didn't quite carry over, so you might not know that they were once awesome! But trust me...they were.

Personalities:
Winona Ryder, Sharon Stone, Alicia Silverstone, Claire Danes, Lili Taylor, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Holly Hunter, Michelle Pfeiffer, River Phoenix, Rebecca DeMornay, Neve Campbell, Christina Ricci, Meg Ryan, Kevin Costner, Kevin Spacey, Nick Nolte, Melissa Joan Hart, Macaulay Culkin, The London Brothers, Joey Lawrence, The ENTIRE casts from Saved By The Bell and Seinfeld.

That's right...Paul Rudd used to read!

Movies You MUST See:
Friday, Dumb and Dumber, Home Alone, American Beauty, Forrest Gump, Dances with Wolves, Good Will Hunting, The Last of the Mohicans, Fight Club, Babe, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Cutting Edge, Ghost, Wayne's World, Clueless, Tommy Boy, Office Space, That Thing You Do, Braveheart, Scream, Jerry Maguire, Jurassic Park, Saving Private Ryan, Speed, Se7en, Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Schindler's List, The Usual Suspects, Fargo, The Fisher King.

Of course, this is not a complete list, but a great place to start. Without these movies you will never understand the following critical Cultural References and many many more!

So you're telling me there's a chance!
Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates...
Romantic Pottery Scenes
The Rules of Fight Club
As if!
The terror in a box delivered in the middle of the desert.
Toe Pick!
Freedom!
You had me at hello.
The beauty of violin music in soundtracks.
I had to go see about a girl.
Salvation lies within.
Life will find a way.
Kaiser Soze
Housekeeping!
Tatonka.
Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters
Staplers
Schwing!

Wow, that took me back!  Now onto the music portion of this post! You will have heard of many of these artists, but you MUST go look up their 90's albums to appreciate the music of that time. Even though Matchbox Twenty had a new album drop today...nothing compares to their "Yourself or Someone Like You" album. 

This man. Hot.

Music:
Matchbox Twenty, Hootie and the Blowfish, Color Me Badd, Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories, Barenaked Ladies, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Oasis, Alanis Morissette, The Cranberries, No Doubt, Tracy Chapman, Ben Folds Five, Sarah McLachlan, TLC, Wallflowers, Counting Crows, Dave Matthews Band, Mariah Carey, Smashing Pumpkins, Boyz II Men, Spice Girls, Aerosmith, En Vogue, Ace of Base, Sheryl Crow, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, The Goo Goo Dolls, Bush, Dixie Chicks, Third Eye Blind.

Now, clearly I have resisted showing any restraint with my listing. However, I am going to ask you to hold back in your comments. If you had to sit down with someone younger than you and introduce them to 1 movie and/or 1 album from the 90's...what would it be and why?

Desperate Housewives Update: They're Real!

I've just finished Season 4 of Desperate Housewives. I bought the entire series for super cheap at a local DVD store (along with LOST, Gilmore Girls, HIMYM, and a few movies). The super cheap part being why I bought all of those. That and I can rip them to my iTunes. Or I thought I could. But that's techy and boring, so back to Desperate Housewives.

Tell me this isn't real?

Bree is still my favorite, though Lynette is a second close.

I love the way this show gets to address the outlines of real problems between couples and friends and even neighbors, even with the slightly absurd plot lines. It's like digging through the jar of peppermints and finding a piece of chocolate. And honestly, are the plot lines really that absurd?

I mean, if you take the 300 people you know...not your Facebook friends, but the broader 300 that statistics say we all know...odds are you know someone having an affair or being cheated on, struggling with addiction, someone fighting cancer, dealing with domestic abuse, multiple pregnant women, those who have a hard time with their kids, or protect their kids at all costs, those who are dealing with their aging parents, finding jobs, keeping up appearances, comparing their lives to others, you might even know someone who has been to jail, and you definitely know someone hiding something. Gasp. And for most of us, in our smaller groups of 50 friends (statistically speaking of course) we can probably get a good sampling of those things as well. So while it's not all happening on our same street, it is happening.

My favorite part of this last season was Lynette going to church for the first time, with Bree, and raising her hand after the sermon. I wonder how differently preachers would preach if they knew they were gonna have a Q&A after!

The biggest missed opportunity in the show was early on when (SPOILER) Susan gets pregnant and she is showing off her newly enlarged breasts. Of course, Susan is played by Teri Hatcher, and even though her boobs are central to the episode NO ONE EVER CALLS THEM SPECTACULAR. I mean...have the writers ever even seen Seinfeld? I was watching waiting for the punchline, the Easter egg that never came. Sigh....

Some Complexities of Hollywood

There's a quote that I love and I recently heard it a few times in one week:

Hollywood is the only place where 

you can die from encouragement.

I heard it the same week I watched a documentary called, The Hollywood Complex, and the drama, My Week With Marilyn. Both are worth watching. 

Stunning.

My Week With Marilyn really attempts to dive into the complex person that Marilyn Monroe really was. With Smash and other mentions of her in pop-culture in the last few years, it's become clear that Monroe was not just the girl with the flying skirt standing over the vent. She loved literature, she was smart, she took her craft seriously, she wanted desperately to be taken seriously. And for every clever comment she had to enthrall the media, she was absent the practical steps to cope with her celebrity.

I happen to love Michelle Williams, even though I find most of her characters painfully tragic. I think she is beautiful and ambitious. I love that her best friend is Busy Phillips and I love that she seems generally respected and even adored in Hollywood. I will always appreciate her from the movie Dick, where she and Kirsten Dunst unwittingly happen upon Watergate. Hysterical. Williams nails the part of Monroe. I actually forgot that I was watching an actress at one point. It's a slow movie, and you must really enjoy drama and story to enjoy it. But it's worth a watch if you have any interest at all in who Monroe really was, and what those around her thought of her, and what Hollywood did to her. Though in this movie we only get a glimpse. It doesn't go into her demise, only gives hints as to how it destroyed her.

Please pick me!

The Hollywood Complex is much more blatant in its handling of what Hollywood does to people. The documentary follows a few families who live at a resort for hopeful child actors. These families come to L.A. during casting season and take classes and network hoping to land even an audition. My mouth hung open during the majority of the movie. I couldn't believe the sacrifice of time and money that these people put into hoping that their child might become one in thousands who are trying to get a small part in even a commercial. The movie also reveals another more substantial sacrifice. That of normalcy, that of family. Many of the kids and mothers live away from their fathers and other family members for over half the year. While it's a fun opportunity for the kids, I can't imagine how it plays into feeling as though they have failed when they are unable to land a gig that will cover the costs of being there. When they hear their parents fight about how long to stay, and when to return home. If you like documentaries, or have ever wondered how people try to get their kids noticed, watch it. 

Impending Doom

If you know me at all or have read this blog for any amount of time, you know I love scary movies. I love disaster movies. I love movies about zombies, vampires, disease, anything dystopian, anything superhero. There's one thing all of these movies have in common, and it's my favorite part of any movie with any of these themes. I don't have a specific term for it, and I refuse to Google and find out if there is a word for it already because I don't want to have it ruined or over explained for me. Maybe it's the "turn" or the "change" or the "build." I don't know. It doesn't matter.

What a cute baby DINOSAUR...I wonder if he will try to eat us.

What matters is that I love the moments in the movie before we end up in the new reality. I love when Peter Parker gets bitten by the spider and we see the inner workings of that venom. I love the first clues that people are becoming zombies. The moment the "little girl" is in the hallway and you realize she is not a little girl anymore. The rising tides and raging fires that start to threaten life as we know it. The shot of the spaceship/meteor/planet as it approaches earth and the scientist are just beginning to discuss the probability of it hitting. The tension of knowing that "life will find a way." The horror in those dreams before you realize that Freddy can only hurt you while you are sleeping. And though it would traumatize my dear friend Holly to know this...I even love the moments between Ursula and Ariel.
There is something about the impending doom that I love more than the actual doom. (I guess this would explain why I enjoyed Melancholia so much!)

I love a good earth from space shot...especially with a large smoking rock in it.

Once the doom (whatever it might be) actually hits in full force, the characters have adapted. They know that to kill a zombie you have to "double tap" it, or to use the new superpower you have to turn your wrist a certain way. But before that, the characters are thrown off. They are wobbly and carelessly experimental. They are unsure of themselves and desperate. They lose dignity and do things that they would never normally do. There is no polished response in those first moments of coming crisis. Only fear and confusion. The best and worst of humanity is represented as people on the screen help their fellow humans or just throw them out of the boat to create more room for themselves.

She was just this.

The great thing about these impending doom moments is that you get to live in both worlds. I mean, uh...you get to see the characters live in both worlds. There is that "life as we have always known it" world fighting it's way through, but everything around them, everything they have known, is changing and becoming something new, and most of the time, becoming something tragic. It's the calm before the storm.

Then this happened. (The Impending Doom moment.)

Yesterday was the 7 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. I have friends who were there for the storm, friends who left, and friends who had to deal with the aftermath. As Isaac landed yesterday, I saw the tension on Facebook. The excitement of preparing for the tragedy that might occur, while clinging to the hope that things will be fine.

And then she became this.

We love the agony and the ecstasy. Without those moments of uncertainty and chaos, we wouldn't recognize the resolution.

I've given a variety of references here to a variety of genres and impending doom moments. But here are a few of my very favorite movies that nail the build up before all hell breaks loose.







1. Jurassic Park-Life Will Find A Way.
2. Titanic-I mean, the title alone let's you know what's coming. You gotta admit, that from the moment you hear "Iceberg ahead!" It's a wild ride!
3. Cloverfield-Who knew a monster movie could be done so well!
4. X-Men (Any of them)-It's just fun watching all of the various characters learn and finesse their "powers." And the X-Men movies have so many characters it's extra fun.
5. The Towering Inferno-This movie is responsible for my fear of fire, and justifiably so.
6. Die Hard-This entire movie is one big action packed build up to the confrontation between the terrorists and Bruce Willis.
7. Melancholia-I've discussed this one before, but the entire movie is impending doom.
8. Speed-That forever long repetitive shot of the elevator shaft during the opening credits with the haunting music is actually a really classic way to prepare you for what's ahead.
9. We Need To Talk About Kevin-Great writing. You know he needs to be discussed, but you only have clues as to why...
10. Unbreakable-Before M.Night was known for his twists, he did this movie and it is one of the best "superhero" movies out there. Not to mention, watching Willis and Jackson as they come to terms with each other is phenomenal.

What is your favorite movie that has a transition from life as it was to life as it will be? 

Pouring Salt in the Wound: All About Angelina

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog that I knew would be unpopular. It detailed my slightly negative perception of Jennifer Aniston and what I perceive to be her failures. You can read it here. My friend Julie wrote a nice rebuttal in defense of Aniston, and I enjoyed reading it because what she said was very true. Her rebuttal is here. 

But even with the opposing comments and rebuttal, I am still on Team Angelina. I hate to beat a dead horse, but I feel the need to explain my position. Feel free to disagree with me. I don't claim all of the following as fact, but just as my personal perception of her. I think this blog will explain why I like her, and maybe, it will soften your heart toward her too...

"Playing the villain baby, just like you want."

Angelina hit the scene about the time I graduated from high school. Her first substantial movie was Gia, which is an interesting choice for an up and coming actress. It set the stage for her to be taken seriously as an actress. I didn't see Gia until much later, but her follow up role was in Girl, Interrupted and I was hooked. Of course I loved the movie itself, but Jolie nailed the part of crazy. And she did it so well that I felt the envy, hatred, and intense love for her that Brittany Murphy and Winona Ryder also felt in the movie. Jolie stole the screen against some more recognized names. I cling to this part, as do many Angelina fans, because to play that kind of crazy, you have to be a little crazy. I will get back to the crazy in a minute...

So not too long after she started with the Laura Croft and detective/agent action packed movies, adding in a kids movie or drama here and there. So I admit, her resume isn't incredibly noteworthy. But in a time when it's a lot easier to be the cookie cutter rom/com actress, Jolie found her place. And that niche is accompanied by women like Halle Barry and Uma Thurman, whereas Aniston blends in with Katherine Heigl and...[insert generic straight haired female actress here.]

What mistakes did you make at 25?

Back to the crazy...the thing about Angelina's crazy is that it's not the typical brand of Hollywood crazy. While most celebrities can only get a little attention from overdoses and wild parties, Angelina took it up a few notches. Blood vials and incestuous kisses, not to mention that just being the daughter of the terrifying Jon Voight gives her an edge. Seriously, watch Anaconda, that man is scary. So rather than looking at her (during my college years) and thinking sarcastically...really...more drinking, that's impressive. I was genuinely intrigued by her. At one point she stopped acting to become a funeral director. This time of her life was marked by depression, cutting, and family turmoil. She has never hidden this or denied it, but rather admitted it and embraced it as what made her who she is today.

Best picture ever of Angelina.

The Brad Pitt stuff...yeah, it gets tricky. But as I said in my last blog about this...no one can be stolen unless they want to be stolen. And by the time Mr. And Mrs. Smith was being filmed, Angelina had already been named the world's most beautiful woman a few times. Supposedly he and Jenn were having some issues concerning kids. I mean...it was a perfect storm, and if anyone is to "blame" it's Brad. So that happened. And truthfully, at times, I feel like Brad is holding her back. But this is not a blog about him.

When I see this I get "It's a small world" stuck in my head.

Angelina's fame as the Tomb Raider launched her international success, which introduced her face to the world. This might seem a little ridiculous, but having lived in China this year, I can tell you that the few stars considered international really do have the attention of other countries. They pay attention to our celebrities, because if we're honest, that's really all America produces these days. Entertainment.

So when Jolie started to make the move from self-serving, crazy, actress to self-aware, stable, humanitarian, the world took notice. Her political and charitable involvement is smart, she knows how to lobby for her chosen causes in various countries rather than attempting to take on the entire system. She stays dedicated to those causes, most of which aid children and community development in underdeveloped environments. While some people criticize her for her adoptions and having 6 kids, I see this as her putting her money where her (yes, very large) mouth is, and her acting work has slightly slowed with each child allowing her more time to be a mother.

I think I saw this in a slideshow from a mission trip at church once.

Here's the rub for me when people talk about how they don't like Angelina. I have attended quite a bit of church in my life. And when someone comes in with this kind of "testimony" we Christians LOVE it. Objectively, it goes something like this: "In her younger days she was cutting, drinking, in the depth of depression, from a crazy family and now look at her! She's successful, a humanitarian. Using her money for good! And oh...those orphans have a home now!" Even secular culture loves seeing someone change for the better. It's why we still root for Lindsay Lohan! And honestly, there is no better story than that of Angelina's when it comes to being rehabilitated. But most people I know resent her for it. They hate her even. She is definitely polarizing. I make no claims that Jolie has found God...but I do believe she's cleaned up. She is focused. She tamed her crazy and channeled that blood vial passion into life-changing issues. She made her way in this world and now she makes a difference.

And also...she's sexy.

And maybe slightly ridiculous. ;)

Why It's NOT ALL McDonald's

Yesterday I posted a blog featuring Jim Gaffigan and his hilarious ode? tribute? rant? to/about McDonald's. If you didn't see it, go watch it.

In the video he makes claims that we all take part in some kind of "McDonald's" which basically means, we all do something, that isn't great for us, but just feeds this almost primal, definitely lazy part of ourselves. He included pop-culture in that statement. He specifically refers to watching Glee and says, "It's ALL McDonald's."

What do you get if you add Billions and Billions?
Fat.

As much as I laughed at the video, I kinda felt my feathers ruffle. I mean, here I am, with my own pop-culture centered blog, and he's saying it could be a waste of time...it's not good for you...it does nothing productive. And here's the thing...I know he's right. It really COULD ALL be McDonald's.

But I don't want it to be.

I want to write about fun things that happen in pop-culture, but I also want to connect them to things in real life that matter. I had a writing professor that once defined literature as "making meaning." This definition works for me because I think...anyone can tell a story, repeat the facts, or even make someone laugh. But can you make people relate? Can you compare the most mundane things to the most meaningful things? Can you find the common threads that run through all stories, all people, in all places, just because we are all human? That's really my goal with Weekend Fat.

I know a lot of the time I fall short of that. And I think that's ok. Like Gaffigan says, we all get and even "need" McDonald's days. But I do hope that more times than not, whatever gets written here at least makes people think, or engages people on a different level than the one that tells your brain to eat those cold limp fries.

It's ALL McDonald's

I love Jim Gaffigan. My friend Julie introduced me to him years ago, and he had me at his love for bacon. Here is he talking about McDonald's. At one point, he goes into how we all have our own versions of McDonald's. Including, pop-culture that really doesn't matter. (ie...this blog!) Do you agree with him? Are we just perpetuating a McDonald's mentality? Watch the video and let me know what you think. I will give you my thoughts soon. Click on this link if you can't see the video.

Miley's Hair Is....

My verdict is still out on the hair. 

But those eyebrows....ugh. 

If Robyn and Draco Malfoy had a baby...

So what do you think? 

Like it? Hate it? What does it say about her? 

Attention starved, mental breakdown, or is 19 the right age to do something crazy with your hair? 

Team Jennifer-A Rebuttal

The following is a response to my unpopular post last week entitled The Failures of Jennifer Aniston.


I've never really had to defend my choice of celebrity love. I just figured you love a celebrity or you don't. Very subjective. How can anyone define what it is that attracts people to others? But, since the great debate of the age seems like it will be Team Jennifer vs. Team Angelina, then I'll play. *To make very clear, I'm not going to speak on anyone "stealing" anyone else. Not at all. Moving on...

The Golden Couple. Damn, I want her arms.

Let's just start with Friends. It's pretty much where Jennifer started. So many folks will have a soft spot for Jennifer just because of Friends. I spent my high school and college careers with these people. So, I look very favorably on the whole thing. Really, my Thursday nights haven't been the same since Friends left. Thus, I own the entire series on DVD. Jennifer spent ten years of her life with one character. Out of all of the Friends characters, Rachel aged the best (Joey's stupidity didn't read well as he aged; Ross just got more annoying, Monica just got stranger, etc.). So call it good casting. Call it good writing. Rachel/Jennifer will be one and the same. I don't know that I could call it type casting really. TV actors have to embody their characters more so than film actors for the show to be good for ten seasons. Jon Hamm will always be Don Draper (thank God). Jeremy Piven will always be Ari Gold. I'm okay with Jennifer always being a little bit Rachel.

Kind of a hippie moment for them, but they match!

I really don't think that people are fair when they say Jennifer is a bad actor and can't do other types of roles. Let's be honest. Do we want to see Jen get uglied up for a role? Nope. Even while on Friends, I can only come up with 2 episodes where she was less than completely put together - The One Where It All Started (pilot - Rachel in a wedding dress drenched from rain) and The One With The Fake Party (where she ended up in her high school cheerleading uniform and a fat lip). We have done this to her. She played her role in The Breakup well because she could be beautiful and angry at the same time. No harm, no foul. Same goes for Rumor Has It. There will be no Charlize Theron/Monster transformations in Jennifer's career. And I think we all want it that way. I believe that Charlize is absolutely gorgeous and can do anything she wants. But, we have allowed ourselves to want Jennifer only in a certain way. And that doesn't include her being ugly (or, gosh, even messy) for a role. Was Grace Kelly or Audrey Hepburn ever criticized for this? I don't think so.

Stop with the leg! Brad, control your woman.

On to the whole Brad Pitt thing. Well, what can you say? I liked them together. Mostly because I like matching things (it's kind of weird actually) and I just thought they matched. Golden colored hair. Tanned and toned. The cool, beachy thing totally working for them. I loved it. Yes. I am extremely superficial. I'd say that she hasn't been super discriminating in her choice of men since. I mean, if you start at the top, there isn't anywhere else to go but down (in the looks department). But, who hasn't made some mistakes with men? Let her live her life. At least she hasn't dived into the weird category (more on that later).

So, since we've made it to Brad Pitt, let's start comparing Jennifer to Angelina.

Acting: Jennifer - sometimes there is only so much you can do as an actor in terms of your career. Hollywood is a fickle beast. Tom Cruise will always be a cocky jack-ass role. Jennifer, the pretty girl. And you are comparing this to Angelina's... what?... Tomb Raider series? No thanks. I say, Jennifer's being darn smart by taking all her type casting straight to the bank. How many older female actors have complained about the lack of roles? Jen's crossed the 40-year-old mark. She's got to play it super smart. Make her cash now. Then, she can do whatever she wants.

How to have fun on the red carpet!

Sexiness: I am always confused at the folks who claim Angelina is the sexiest thing ever. How so? Because she gives off the dirty girl vibe? Well. You can have that. Angelina is weird. Weird, weird, weird. Vials of Billy Bob's blood? Making out with him on red carpets? Kissing her brother? She's just strange. And that doesn't equal sexy in my book. I like Jennifer's personal style. Or, her stylist's choice for her personal style. She just looks so relaxed in her clothes. And, she smiles!!! Every red carpet she does, she's smiling. Angelina always looks uptight or has decided that she's only there to put on a show. Who poses like that with their nasty skinny leg hanging out of their dress at the Oscars? A weirdo, that's who. And, would it kill her to take a red carpet photo looking slightly more animated than a wax figure? Jennifer has always seemed like someone I'd love to hang out with. Just cool. It's like she knows the whole scene is over-blown and ridiculous. So, bring it down a notch. Even when you compare photos of them on a regular day. I pick Jennifer. And, I've always heard that men like it when women aren't all done up. They like the relaxed, albeit clean and put together, look. Jen wins.

How to hate the red carpet.

One thing I particularly appreciate about Jennifer is that she seems to be living her life on her terms. She doesn't splash her life all over the place. She isn't trying to be someone she isn't (in real life - not on a set...ha!). Angelina always comes off as trying too hard for my taste. Okay, we get it. You want to be known as a decent person. One adoption would have been plenty to make that point. Stop throwing it in everyone's face. I appreciate those that help others behind the scenes. Or, maybe taking on causes that aren't so high profile. Who's to say what charity work is better than others? Basically, Angelina is an over achieving B. Calm down and don't take yourself so seriously!

Therefore, I love Jennifer Aniston. Always have. Always will.

P.S. I take issue with the fact that Angelina is pictured first on a post focusing on Jennifer. ;)


(Julie, 30, lives in Auburn, Ala. and balances her serious and superficial sides by being a self-employed wedding planner and amateur style/celebrity critic. Some of her current goals include: be a reoccurring guest on The Real Housewives of Atlanta (preferably as Nene's bestie); become best friends with Martha Stewart; actually become Kate Middleton. You can keep up with her views on weddings on her blog www.invevents.com.)