Horrifying Hump Day: Tales From My Not So Scary Life

I haven't lived a terrifying life or anything, but I thought it might be fun to share a few personal stories that seem like they could be scenes from a scary movie, granted, not the scariest scenes of course. Forgive me for the abandonment of pop-culture, but maybe some day I'll write something worth publishing and this little blog will become a piece of...yeah, ok ok, I'll just get to it.

I got my first babysitting gig the summer after my 6th grade year. I remember nothing about the family I was sitting for, I think they had 2 kids. My friend Jeffrey lived nearby, and at some point he came over to hang out. I know what you're thinking, and it wasn't like that. So while he was there we heard these noises. We both kinda freaked out so we booby trapped the house. And we did it up right. We looped yarn around doors and tables. We set up folding chairs in the foyer. I think there was even some moving of the furniture. And we were ready for whatever serial killer was about to come at us...we just weren't ready for the parents to come home. But there they were. Tripping over folding chairs and yarn, waking up their kids, staring at me and the boy I'd invited over. I don't think they every asked me to babysit again. 

In high school I had a group of friends who loved to roll yards (or TP for you West Coasters). We went out almost every weekend to target this group of guys we were friends with. I was always the getaway driver. One night we were dressed in our typical blacks, creeping up on the house when some really bright lights came on. The police were hidden waiting to catch us. We were terrified and immediately scattered. The police found us all of course, and talked to a few of us and to the guys inside before giving us a stern warning and sending us home. (Thank God for small towns.) We went back to my house feeling defeated, and one of the girls' moms called to say that my car had been reported on the police scanner, so we should probably stay in for the night. My mom gave us cookie dough and the keys to her van, and before long, we were off again. 

Westcott Building and Fountain

The strangest summer of my life was spent in Tallahassee, Florida after my Senior year of college. I chose Tallahassee for a few reasons. My mom's family lives there, my best friend at the time lived there, and I had the opportunity to nanny for two families. It was a weird summer. The mom of one of the families worked at the Florida Baptist Children's Home where my mom and her siblings grew up. The other one was in hospice care and died 6 weeks into my time there from cancer. My best friend ended up being gone most of the summer, and my aunt that I was staying with went to bed each night by about 9. I ended up spending some time with some friends I was loosely acquainted with, who were at FSU for the summer. One night we hung out on the roof of the Westcott Building and swam in the fountain. Another night I ended up in a room full of cadavers in the medical school because one of the friends got us in to see them. One night about two weeks before I was going to leave Tallahassee, my makeshift group of friends and I went to this closed down asylum now referred to as "Sunnyland" where hundreds of TB patients and unwanted kids with disabilities died before it was closed down in the 80's. My memory on this is fuzzy, but we climbed a fence and made it inside, only for a few moments. I remember noises and I remember shadows and I remember climbing the fence to get back to the car at lightening speed. We went to Gordo’s after to get grilled cheese and garlic fries. But I don’t think I slept through the night again until I was safe in my dorm on the seminary campus in New Orleans a few weeks later.

"Sunnyland" Asylum

This last year in China has been an experiment in controlling the creepy corners of imagination. As if living in a rural area of China weren't enough, I also happen to live in a building by myself. A very large building with lots of windows by myself. Let me stress the by myself part. There are entire movies made about things that can happen in isolation. So yeah. There is a security guard, but he's a good...football field away from my room. Also he speaks no English. The building is concrete and surrounded by tall bamboo and little creeks (moats). The other night I was sound asleep when I heard a key turn in my door. By the time I realized what was going on, a Chinese man was standing in my apartment, the only light in the room was from the computer. I jumped out of bed and started yelling stuff and he stared at me for a minute before realizing his mistake. He said some stuff I didn't understand then held up his hand, "sorry, sorry" and left. I locked the door behind him and messaged Frank, my supervisor. Frank's reassurance to me was, "Oh yes, many people have keys to your door, I am sorry for his mistake." So. Comforting. Frank. I've been working on my Zombie Apocalypse plan all year, but I got nothing ready for a Chinese man standing in my apartment. 

As you read these I’m sure you are probably thinking...what’s the big deal...these events are really not that scary. But isn't that how these things always are in retrospect? What felt strange at the time can be simply explained. What seemed daunting in the dark isn't that bad with the lights on. In the moment you think danger is all around you, but really, there was never any to begin with.

I've been on this scary road.

One recurring eerie feeling I get happens when I'm driving at night. I love to drive, and I especially love to drive at night. But I've had some terrifying times hugging the cliffs of California's Highway 1, climbing through the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina, and making my way to something, anything, familiar in the most rural parts of Mississippi, Georgia, Florida, and Alabama. The strangeness occurs when the only light around is from my headlights, my phone has no service, and the music, which usually is the perfect serenade to any road trip, starts to sound warped, too loud, too minor, to my ears. I turn it off and let the hum of the road noise sink in while my eyes search the sides of the road for deer, or whatever else might be lurking, waiting to make me the victim of another scary story.

Story toppers welcome! Tell me your terrifying tales!

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

Get up right now. Well, not right this second. Finish reading this paragraph first. But when you're done, go to the nearest mirror. Look in it and ask yourself to remember deep down the most horrible thing you've done. I find that most of my most horrible things involve hurting other people. But there are others too. Maybe your worst things are lies. Judgment. Maybe you're a bully, or manipulative or maybe your selfish actions drive people away from you. Think deep down about the very worst thing about you, the thing you have a hard time telling anyone or admitting to yourself. Say it out loud. Say, "One time I......" Say "I am......" Come on, say it, admit it.

Did you do it? Did you admit that you are capable of bad, wrong, hurtful things? Ok. Now let's make a connection....If you are capable of these types of things, do you believe that anyone is? I know your tendency might be to think the best of people, I used to have that too. My parents even had sweet words about my belief that people are basically good printed in my high school yearbook beside my picture my Senior year because it was so defining of who I was then. And still, today, I want to believe the best in people. But I know what I'm capable of. And if I am capable of what I'm capable of...having no traumatic history, being surrounded by great, loving, and supportive parents, a fabulous network of friends, and the values and virtues of faith instilled in me from early on...then I believe we are probably all capable of less than good things. We do bad, dishonorable, hurtful, things on purpose sometimes, and then sometimes we just make mistakes.

So the question is...WHY ARE WE EVER SURPRISED when someone else does it? Two things have popped up in the news this week that have made me ask this question.

The first is about Billy Graham's alleged endorsement of Mitt Romney. I use the term "alleged endorsement" because it seems practically impossible to find what actually went down during said endorsement. BUT...before his meeting with Romney, Graham defined Mormonism as a cult; however, somewhere in the last few weeks that opinion has changed and his website no longer has this definition listed. Now, I personally don't want my religion and state to interact at all, so this is not a statement on that. It's a statement about a Christian leader who has been held up as the pillar of the faith, put on a pedestal for many years, changing his opinion, loosening up his stand, or just abandoning his convictions in his old age, and in turn, causing the Christian community to begin to either question what they once held true, or be questioned about said beliefs. Somewhere along the way, Graham became the walking representative of Evangelical Christians, and so goes Graham, so goes Evangelical Christians. Which is great...until it's not.

The second instance is that of Lance Armstrong and his drug induced wins. The iconic "LiveStrong" paraphenelia is now being dismissed as "LieStrong." And all the cancer survivors and athletes and dreamers who thought he was borderline superhuman are now let down. He's a professional athlete! What do we know about professional athletes? That the majority of them that seem superhuman end up revealing drug usage. And yet people are waiting in the wings to rip up his success, giving up on their own dreams because what was once thought possible is now just a shade of the real story.

We have these cultural icons that we rely on for different things, and when they fall, often whatever hope, whatever faith we have put into them, whatever groups of people allow themselves to be represented, fall with them. Let's explore some others just for fun. Mind you, I am in no way trying to pick on these people. I am only attempting to show a pattern that exists in our pop-culture.

Rock Hudson-Back in his day, Hudson was the walking fantasy of most women. Until they found out he was gay. They had to come to terms that a man who had been the dream of every woman, didn't even really like women. Minds and hearts blown.

Marilyn Monroe, Elvis, and any other Celebrity Suicide-You have to ask yourself if fame drives people to suicide or if people who are more apt to be famous have a predisposition to depression. Whatever the answer is, for anyone who has ever had a favorite celebrity kill themselves/overdose, it's devastating every time. Because you see those people as strong, as iconic and having it all together, or at least having the resources to have it all together! If they, with all their money, all their dreams having come true, if they can't make it, who can? Only the good die young seems to be more of a promise than a suggestion.

Teenage Idols-The second Miley Cyrus posed practically nude, it's like every parent in America went crazy. Hannah Montana should be fully clothed spouting off silly jokes in a borderline disrespectful tone to her father, not wearing sheets that barely cover up her bathing suit parts for Annie Leibovitz! Miley followed in the footsteps of Britney and LiLo saying, "I never asked to be a role model." And it's true...they didn't But parents invested thousands of dollars into concert tickets, t-shirts, cd's and more to attach their child with a girl maturing in a celebrity world, and then when she actually did as celebrities do, they were surprised. How about this...moms, you be your daughter's hero, or encourage her to be her own!

Oprah-Oprah has let people down in lots of ways. She's been too white for the black community, too black for the white community. Too rich for the poor community. Too new age for the religious community, too religious for the new age community. Too cold hearted, too sentimental. Too fat for the thin community, and then too thin for the fat community, and then all sizes lost hope when she gained the weight back again. The lesbian community was disappointed to find that she and Gayle are just friends, and the marriage advocates were frustrated by her lack of official commitment to Stedman. Even those people who got free cars had to pay taxes on the cars which pissed them off. This woman can't win, and yet, she totally does. I guess there's something to be said for just being yourself no matter what that means.

When I started this blog and asked you to remind yourself of the worst things you've done...I wasn't trying to shame you into some level of admittance or guilt wallowing, I was trying to remind you that you're human, and so are the people that carry the burdens of our expectations. Which, is why we probably shouldn't put them on people....even famous ones.

Unless that person is Tina Fey. I mean, what could she possibly do wrong? ;)

Which political figures, cultural icons, and celebrities 

have shocked or let you down? 

Blink: A Book Review

Remember in Clueless where Cher makes Tai her project and they are attempting to be well-rounded so they learn new words, read books, work out, and then Cher says that maybe they should do something good for humanity? That's what this blog is about. It's time for us to be well-rounded here at Weekend Fat. I haven't mentioned too many books on this blog, but I just finished one that I found incredibly interesting. I'm late to the game on this so just...deal with it.

Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

Gladwell is known for his interesting books and articles on humanity, psychology, and how we connect and process things in life. In other words, I love him. This particular book, Blink, begins with a story about a sculpture that a museum has just purchased. They have all the papers, all the history, and dozens of professionals familiar with that very period of art give their stamp of approval on the sculpture. Yet once it was in place they had an opening ceremony inviting all of the greatest experts on art to the museum. Several of them knew at a glance that the sculpture was a fake. The museum received so many reports of these doubts that they did more investigation and found out that yes, it was a fake. When they asked those people to explain how they knew, no one could. It was a gut feeling, they just knew.

Gladwell's book Blink explores that initial response we have to things we see, people we interact with, news we hear, and more. The case studies he offers along the way include a psychologist who can watch a couple interact for 15 minutes and determine whether or not they will stay married, and a study of police who have made mistakes in shootings vs. those who have impeccable records. It all boils down to almost immeasurable feelings, perceptions, and moments. It's as if we are equipped with a survival skill that enables us to "just know" some things. It makes a lot of sense really. The key that Gladwell points out is that we have to know ourselves and what we bring into each interaction. With awareness and observation, we really do have the ability to be good reads on relationships, jobs, and more things that could affect our lives for years and years to come.

The book was interesting and enlightening and I highly recommend it!

See...now, that wasn't so bad was it?

New Girl Crush: The Redemption of Anna Kendrick--By Vicky

Recently, Anna Kendrick has been showing up in my life. I recognized her from (ugh) Twilight and had a little bit of bias against her because of it. But the more I have seen her, the more I find myself delighted and charmed by her. I am actually quite impressed.  After a little bit of research, I’m even more of a fan. This girl has gone from nobody to stardom and Twilight helped her get there. (There are spoilers below, ye be warned).

As some of you know, I am not a fan of Twilight, but I slate my curiosity because I did read the books.  I have a really hard time watching any of them, but I get through.  Anna Kendrick plays a mix of two characters from the book; Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, named Jessica. She befriends Bella when she is new to the school and is sort of this annoying presence with a perspective on Edward and the Cullens that I actually related with.

She looks as annoyed as I feel!

Anna’s Jessica gave the graduation speech and speculated that Bella was pregnant at the horribly awkward wedding. She’s kind of snarky and a bearable part of the whole deal.  But still, she was in Twilight. To her credit, she has sky rocketed since then and also, she has defended it with a good point: “I'm tired of hearing people rage on the fans.  If you don't like Twilight, don't buy a ticket.” I can’t help it, Anna, I want to know how they deal with the book!  

After some research, I realized that Anna was in one of my favorite little known musicals, Camp. It’s about a bunch of theatre geeks at a summer camp where they go through rigorous training and big age-inappropriate shows. There is drama, comedy, betrayal, love—and music, of course. Anna plays a lowly actress, Fritzi, who becomes the “assistant” to an ingénue actress. In a fit of anger, she poisons the actress with Woolite and takes over during a performance. Now, before you watch this scene, two things; one, there is some harsh language (one of my favorite lines), and two, Anna was only 17 years old when she filmed this movie.

Seventeen!

She’s been on Broadway and was even nominated for a Tony Award at the tender age of 13 for her role in High Society. Speaking of awards, she has been nominated for many including a/an Oscar, Golden Globe, People’s Choice, MTV Movie Award, and Critic’s Choice among others. Most of these were for Up in the Air which was a great film where she held her own against George Clooney and Jason Bateman. The role of Natalie was written by Jason Reitman with her in mind as the one and only choice. She was charming, solid, and vulnerable and I am now a full-blown fan. I’ve watched an interview or two and she is so sweet and actually speaks well which is refreshing for an actress her age. What I also like about her is that she’s accessibly pretty.  She can be a little nerdy/dorky as well as gorgeous.

Poised and Pretty at the 2010 Golden Globes.

Although I have noticed Anna Kendrick, I have to say that the roles that really solidified her for me were more recent.  Her portrayal of food truck owner Rosie in What to Expect When You Are Expecting was sweet and heartbreaking.  Her story was one of my favorites among the many and my girl crush was ignited. I saw Pitch Perfect the other day and I now have a full-blown crush. It was a cutesy movie, but I’m a sucker for music and underdogs, so I was hooked. I have to say that although it did follow the typical comedy/romance/underdog outline, it was very witty and fun which put it a step above the rest.  Anna’s character, Beca, was a little broody so it was nice to see her arc through the movie.  And she’s quite the talented singer which is another reason to adore her.

I have other Anna Kendrick movies planned for future viewing. She is in End of Watch as Jake Gyllenhaal’s wife and 50/50 with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogan. I plan to see both of these and look forward to her performance in both. Side note for you comic book fans, she’s Scott Pilgrim’s sister, Stacey, in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

So Anna Kendrick has redeemed herself in my Twilight-weary eyes and been added to my list of girl crushes. This is an elite group to include Drew Barrymore and Charlize Theron.  I am eager to see what else she does and glad that she doesn’t seem to be taking a turn toward Lindsay Lohan Land any time soon. From Twilight to Pitch Perfect Anna Kendrick has become a star who can only shine brighter with time.

So what do you think of my girl, Anna Kendrick?  Like her?  Hate her?  Don’t know who she is?  Let me know!

(Vicky, 29, lives in Tallahassee, FL where she is impressed with the fact that there is more than just a Hobby Lobby to buy fabric.  She is a writer, reader, wife, dog mom, theatre lover, and costume maker.  Mostly, she is what she likes to refer to as a sous of everything, master of nothing.)

Laugh Tracks: The Evolution of Humor

For the record, none of this should be taken as actual fact, but rather just one of my many pop-culture theories. I am sure I could spend time researching the history of the laugh track, but instead I skimmed a Wikipedia article on it, found that I generally didn't find what I wanted to find, and now I'm forging ahead with my own opinions.

In my mind, laugh tracks on Sit-Coms should have been officially buried on May 6, 2004. That's when the last episode of Friends aired. Friends gets grandfathered in simply because when it started in 1994, most comedy shows had a laugh track.

The last time laugh tracks were acceptable, people dressed like this.

Growing up with Full House and Family Matters, laugh tracks taught me how to get jokes. In fact, most shows for children have canned laughter because kids need to be taught when to laugh at words. So much comedy for kids is physical comedy, so they are visually cued to laugh, but when shows rely primarily on dialogue, some jokes might be beyond the development of a kid's brain. Laugh tracks help them know...hey, this is funny, enjoy it. And if you have or know any kids then you've probably had them excitedly repeat jokes from TV shows to you. They are proud to get the joke and they want to share it. That laugh track was probably vital to their understanding it. SO...before I go totally off on laugh tracks, please know that I recognize they have their place.

But prime time comedies are not that place.

The laugh track tells us she's funny, not obnoxious.

It used to be that in order to be culturally informed, you had to watch hours of news, or Entertainment Tonight, listen to the radio, or read newspapers and magazines. But now you just have to have a Twitter, a Facebook feed, or a nearby teenager. Getting the headlines is so easy. In fact they come at us fast and furiously, but rarely is there a need to actually read or explore a topic. In other words, it's not hard to get the culturally relevant jokes that show up in our comedies these days. For example: I didn't watch the VP debate a few weeks ago, but I know that Biden laughed in a cocky way and that Ryan didn't really go into detail with his answers. I knew this from what I saw on Facebook. So when SNL did a spoof of the debate last week, I felt fully informed and got the jokes. It's a shallow existence that allows us to know very little about A LOT of topics and still come across generally informed. Which is horrible for having an educated point of view or being able to discuss any given topic of importance...but is GREAT for our TV watching.

The only show I like as of right now that has a laugh track is Two Broke Girls. Which by the way, is a really great show even with the enhanced laughter. Think of shows like 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, and even Cougar Town, The Middle, and Modern Family. None of these shows have laugh tracks even though they cover very different types of characters and plots. I like to think of this as more educated TV, or at least TV that gives a little credit to their viewers. These shows know that we don't need the laugh track anymore. But even these shows don't escape giving us clues that they want us to laugh at something. The laughter has been replaced by little musical trills, documentary style glances at the camera, or flashbacks in some cases.

Did I do that funny thing causing mechanical laughter to ring through the sound stage?

There are petitions to get the laugh tracks removed from shows like The Big Bang theory, which carries an interesting mixture of audience. The jokes are often sophisticated and scientific in nature, so the audience with those leanings doesn't need the cue. But the audience that watches a group of socially awkward nerds interact and likes the easy funny flow of the show,  doesn't mind the track. It will be interesting to see if a show ever attempts to transition between the two. Because truthfully, laugh tracks are more than just about making an audience laugh, they are there for transitions and comedic timing too. Adding one or taking one away would mean changing the filming style, the writing, and the acting. For proof of this check out 30 Rock's live shows where there is audience laughter as opposed to their week to week rhythm. It's a noticeable difference in the way they do things.

Now I've equated education with no laugh tracks and said that I like shows with no laugh tracks. I realize that I might come across as a snob with that kind of reasoning. In order to prevent that assumption, I would like to point you to exhibit A: my blog two days ago where I confess to watching over 20 hours of TV weekly, as well as exhibit B: my post last month where I defend Honey Boo Boo. We all have our vices. I happen to hate laugh tracks, but when Ramona gets drunk on Real Housewives of New York, I cannot look away! Believe me, I know I am no better than anyone else...laugh track or not!

Maybe this isn't something you notice, but I challenge you to watch your favorite comedies this week and pay attention to the things that make you laugh. Was there a pause in dialog? Was there a laugh track? Was there some other cue? Do you watch any shows with laugh tracks? Do you watch any without? What's your general feeling about canned or enhanced laughter? Or do you have an actual life and haven't bothered to put any time into thinking at all about such things....

Horrifying Hump Day: Real Villains

When it comes to scary movies, it's easy to think of the ones with monsters in them first. You know those villains who could never exist in real life. The Freddies and Jasons, vampires, ghosts, and zombies are easy targets because they look scary. But what about those villains who look just like you and me? Those are the ones who we really need to look out for. Here are some of the most evil and realistic bad guys out there.

Don't test me.

Hannibal Lecter-Silence of the Lambs
Anthony Hopkins
You had me at cannibalism. I remember realizing what that meant as a child and being horrified. Lecter is the stuff our nightmares are made of. And you'd think that his being behind bars would be comforting during the movie, but it's not. Even with Buffalo Bill out there killing plus-sized women and demanding they put lotion on, Lecter is still the most horrifying bad guy around. His intelligence, eerily seductive accent, and eating habits put him on the top of my list of people I want to avoid.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Jack Torrance-The Shining
Jack Nicholson
You know what's worse than a crazy person? Not knowing someone is a crazy person. That's why Jack is so alarming. You think he's writing the next great novel, only to one day realize he is a broken record repeating the ominous phrase, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." His slow descent into madness and the fact that he carries an axe everywhere is reason enough for me to stay away.

You dirty bird.

Annie Wilkes-Misery
Kathy Bates
Women are scary. Because rather than just going crazy or being a sociopath, they bring an emotional element to the table. And what Annie brings to the table is obsession, delusion, and codependent attachment to a fictional character. All we know about Annie up front is that she's a nurse, and a big "fan" of the Misery books. She has a sweet little vocabulary full of phrases like "Mr. Man" and keeps her bangs pinned back making her seem innocent enough. But what we learn about her later is that she is not above kidnapping, drugging, and smashing ankles in a scene that STILL makes me cringe whenever I see it. Oh and also she burned some things and killed some people before the Misery incident, so there's that too.

This'll toughen you up.

Aaron Stampler-Primal Fear
Edward Norton
Maybe the only thing worse than a crazy person and not knowing someone is crazy is someone who pretends to be crazy. Aaron is the worst kind of villain because he is also a coward. He plays the victim, and lies his way through a murder trial, only to reveal in the last few moments that he is in fact perfectly sane. He avoids prison by manipulating the jury and his lawyer. I shouldn't even put him on the list with such legends like Lecter and Torrance, but I do think he's notable, because in all truth, he is the closest to the kind of "bad guys" you and I come into contact with on a daily basis.

I've killed a lot of people.

Patrick Bateman-American Psycho
Christian Bale
This movie has forever ruined me because now I think that any and every white collared, white male is probably a serial killer. This is why I can't vote Republican. But in all seriousness, Bateman is one of those men that you cannot look away from. His morning routine is fascinating and disturbing as is his obsession with the perfect business card (one of the all time greatest scenes ever). He juggles his double life as though he created the concept, and quite honestly, he probably gave birth to the concept of Dexter. And the worst part, I'm strangely attracted to him...that is when he's not carrying a chainsaw.

This is not gonna stop.

Alex Forrest-Fatal Attraction
Glenn Close
Again, women are terrifying. The great thing about Alex is that her obsession with the affair became a lesson to men everywhere not to cheat on their wives. And the movie is a very thorough lesson. This is the last person you want showing up at your house, messing with your family pets and threatening to end your life as you know it. I mean, he should have known by the hair. That is crazy woman hair!

I'm gonna outlast you.

Max Cady-Cape Fear
Robert DeNiro 
You could argue that either version of Cady is scary, but I prefer DeNiro's smirk in the remake. He's buff and tatted up and his Southern accent is somewhere between sexy and threatening. There's a rape scene in this movie that might be one of the worst scenes I've ever seen, and the way he seduces the daughter in the film makes him seriously creepy. Not to mention, this dude doesn't quit! He is sooo strong. But it's his dedication to religion that makes him memorable. Watching him speak in tongues as he drowns is one of those scenes that is forever planted in my mind.

I am the context.

Kevin-We Need To Talk About Kevin
Ezra Miller
While it's not a classic, and is actually pretty new, Kevin, is one of the more devastating villains on the list because...well, it seems he is literally born to be bad. I think it's every mom's worst nightmare that they might see something evil in their child early on and not be able to correct it. Kevin is that evil. Kevin also represents the now dozens and dozens of teenagers who have gone to school with intent to kill, making him all too realistic for enjoyment. A master manipulator, a brilliant mind, and a killer at an early age, he has a face only a mother can...well...something.

Who are you afraid of?

What I am ACTUALLY Watching

I've decided to tell you what I am actually watching, since we all go back and forth about TV so much on this blog. These are not in order of importance or favorite at all. They are kind of in order by genre if anything. If you are watching a show you want covered on the blog, then feel free to write up a post and send it to me at catidwell222@gmail.com I'd love more writers and more input. As you can see, I have my hands full. Some spoilers below on various shows...

The Walking Dead-So much misguided anger this season! And I want them to take baths. I've been around West Georgia and there are TONS of creeks and lakes. No reason to be filthy. Also, I might be late to the game, but as I watched the first episode of Season 3, I couldn't help but think...."OH...so THE Main Characters are the walking dead..."
666 Park Avenue-If LOST, American Horror and Gossip Girl had a baby it would be this show.
American Horror Story-Since so many shows have come back this season causing "meh" reactions, I gotta say I'm glad AHS is attempting a different storyline altogether. And wow, they are off to a great start!
Dexter-I always thought the show should END with Deb finding out about Dexter, so now that we've crossed that bridge I'm a little indifferent about things at the moment. Where is this gonna go?

New York.

SVU-Mariska Hargitay. Enough said.
Scandal-I am so conflicted over this show in so many ways. But I will stick around cause I love old Shonda.
Homeland-This is what Scandal wishes it were.
Revenge-I have never LOVED a Season 1 so much only to hate Season 2 so much. Get it together!
Grey's Anatomy-Have I mentioned that this needs to be the last season? Cause it needs to be. I hear Neve Campbell is coming on...NO NO NO, no more new people...wind it down please.
Parenthood-Best. Show. On. TV.
Nashville-Connie Britton was fabulous, and even though the 10 months I spent in Nashville weren't great, this makes me want to go back a give it another try. Plus...I mean, it's about music!
SmashI was hate-watching this show last season, and I will do the same this time around.
Glee-When Glee gets emotional, so do I. The Break-Up episode was Glee at its finest. More character building, less cheesy plot please.
Once Upon A Time-Again, strong Season 1, but this time around it's just losing steam.

Long Island

SNL-Sure it's all political at the moment, but soon it might find a nice retreat back into the relevant references of pop-culture. Best skit so far was either Bond Girls or Tech Talk.
30 Rock-I'm a fan in every since of the word. I will miss them after this season!
The Office-Dying a slow and painful death...
Community-I am cynical that without Dan Harmon it will be any good, but when done well, this show is pretty close to perfect. Oh...IF IT EVER COMES ON AGAIN!
Parks and Recreation-Thank God for Ron Swanson, Donna and April!
Up All Night-I am really rooting for this one, but I need more Maya and Christina interaction.
Raising Hope-This is so underrated, but it really delivers every week consistently.

Brooklyn

Two Broke Girls-Ok...so this is my "sleeper hit" of the year. My friend Joni was watching and told me to check it out. I fully expected to hate it. It has a laugh track, manufactured banter, and lots of sexual innuendo. And yet, I LOVE IT. The girls are adorable and the set up of the show is clever.
Modern Family-Another consistently strong show.
The Neighbors-Don't judge me...but this show is really cute. Yes, there are aliens, but I have been showing it to my Chinese students and they LOVE it.
The New Normal-Ryan Murphy, creator of Glee, American Horror Story, and Nip/Tuck, kind of took a few characters and plots from a few different shows and mixed them into this one. It's working, but I don't think it will last too long. Still, I like it enough.

That's at least 20 hours of TV a week. I will probably add Criminal Minds, Body of Proof, Gossip Girl, and sprinkle in some Real Housewives (New Jersey and New York) here and there. And I would LIKE to start on How I Met Your Mother, Gilmore Girls, and Downton Abbey.

I guess you could say, I watch TV like it's my job.

How many hours a week do you watch? BE HONEST!

Never Forget: Binders Full Of Women

You get a binder! You get a binder! You get a binder!

There were 90 seconds between Mitt Romney saying the phrase "binders full of women" and the creation of a Tumblr dedicated to the phrase. Romney used those words in his attempt to answer questions about equal opportunities for women. In a matter of seconds, our nation was divided into two more opposing groups. Those who heard Romney's answer, and those who heard the next Internet phenomenon being birthed. Memes of Office Max "Binders Full Of Women," Lisa Frank Trapper Keepers, Sad Keanu, Sesame Street, Shakespeare, Texting Hillary, The Matrix, Parks and Rec, and so so so many more have made their way to the Internet displaying not only the boredom cleverness that exists in America, but our sheer ability to take something, ANYTHING, and run with it.

Not even Mittens.

While I could discuss the political implications to Romney's comment, I think there are a few other things to consider about the statement and the aftermath of it.

1. If you're not producing memes, you're not really living. Or at least you're not making your mark on this world. If you make a clever joke and no one memes it, was it really clever? Chances are, no. Get busy meming or get busy dying.

Sigh...I love Clinton.

2. While not everything on the Internet is true, it does all have a "purpose." Whether it is to educate, to mislead, to prove a point, to entertain, or just to offer a place for self indulgence for anyone who has an abundance of time they want to waste, (ahem...), the Internet has become our go-to place for all of the above. However, the important thing to remember is that it is NOT all true or right. Obama does not have a son, pop rocks and soda will not kill you, and sticking a tampon full of vodka into your body is never a good idea. Ever.

The most interesting meme in the world.

3. What we say matters. Whether you're running for President, writing a status on Facebook, or having a conversation, your words are bound to interact with someone else and enter into their loaded context. I've heard it explained this way: We each come into a situation with a full glass of water. When we start talking, conversing and discussing, in order to take in what someone else says, we MUST pour some of our glass out. As the one doing the talking, you must realize that there is a chance the person listening will not pour their "water" out but rather the words will mix and overflow causing spillage/damage. No matter what side of the equation we are on, there is always a chance of misunderstanding. This is why it's best, especially in public forums, to tread lightly and positively on controversial issues. And for heavens sake, no generalizations please.

I'm sure.

4. What we say matters, but you still have a right to say it. However, you must be ready to deal with the consequences of saying it. For example: If you write racist things on Facebook, then you have to deal with the fact that I think you are a racist. If you say there is "never a reason for abortion" then you have to deal with the fact that I might think you are closed minded and judgmental, and speak in generalities about situations you might not be fully aware of. If you say that "Christians are stupid and don't believe in science"then you have to deal with the fact that I think you are as small minded as those science rejecting Christians you speak of for lumping an entire group of people together as though they are all the same. Expressing opinions is fine, and cathartic, and necessary even, but be careful because if your opinions make you look like an asshole, chances are, you're an asshole.

For the record, John Cusack is NOT an asshole.

5. Some people are just awkward. There's no denying that Romney is robotic at times. While the point that he was attempting to make when he flubbed up with "binders full of women" was really not that controversial of a point, his awkward phrasing launched him into the meme hall of shame and revealed his distance from the topic. I can relate to being awkward in my wording. My vocabulary, while not small, is often emotionally based. I tend to stutter at times, and I have a horrible habit of splitting infinitives. I don't come across as robotic, but I do come across as anything but eloquent. Some people have excellent wording, but no clue how to read a social situation. Some are insecure or guilt-ridden which loads their words. Others are stunted by silence making them seem less than present in any given conversation. If being awkward were a crime, I think we'd all be paying fines and doing time.

Here's what I really want to ask of you today. 

Do memes belittle points or drive them home? 

Do funny pictures and clever wording emphasize the seriousness of the issues they represent (in the case of Binders Full of Women, the proverbial "glass ceiling" and equal opportunities for women) or do they tend to make us forget why they're there in the first place?

The Whimsy of Walken

If you ask me who Christopher Walken is, my first answer will be that he was in the movie The Prophecy. You probably don't like scary movies, and especially ones about religion, so then I will say that he is the "more cowbell guy" in the famous SNL skit. If you are unfamiliar with this too, then: 1. We are probably not friends and 2. I know that you will recognize him from Hairspray as Tracy Turnblad's dad.

Truthfully, what I love about Walken is that he can be the guy from The Prophecy AND the guy from Hairspray. He can act as the intimidating mob boss in True Romance and play opposite Dennis Hopper in one of the most tense scenes I've ever seen on screen, and dance in the Fatboy Slim video, Weapon of Choice.

He is nothing if not a versatile actor. His face is sharp and angular which makes him perfect for the role of the bad guy. My two favorite of his villains are both named Max. Max Zorin from the Bond movie, A View to a Kill, and Max Shreck from Batman Returns. In the Bond film, he has this ridiculous yellow hair that makes him look elitist and weird. He accepted the role that was first offered to David Bowie. In Batman, he is a "friend" to the Penguin and pushes Selina Kyle out of a window creating Catwoman. His character has wild gray hair and is a bit cartoonish, but then, all of them were in the Burton Batman movies.

He's been in The Stepford Wives, Waynes World 2, Wedding Crashers, Annie Hall, and Click to name a few. I think it's fair to say that he plays his comedy with a straight face and his villains with a smirk. Ultimately, both of these things serve to convince you that maybe he is really crazy. Since he's best at playing crazy, it stands to reason his next movie is called Seven Psychopaths. In the clip below, watch him read the part of June from Honey Boo Boo...which is what started this entire journey through this Walken wonderland. It's just fantastic!

What's your favorite Walken role?

When You're The Best Of Friends!

The squeal I let out when I heard that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey will host the Golden Globes together was something similar to the night my high school boyfriend kissed me in my front yard while my friends watched from inside. I ran back inside to celebrate with them and lots of squealing happened. Yes, I used to squeal about boys and kisses.

But this post is not about that. Because no matter how great that kiss was, the part I remember being the most fun was the celebration inside with my friends. We'd heard from someone (this was before anyone was googling to fact check) that being french kissed turned your tongue white. We all ran into the tiny bathroom in my house, and I stuck out my tongue to see if it was true. Funny thing, it wasn't even my first real kiss. But this one held a different level of excitement because my friends were there for it. Oh, and I'm pretty sure my tongue was pink.

I'm very aware that my brand of friendship might be quite different than yours. Maybe it comes from being single for so long, but I think it's fair to say, I've always had a deep love for friends. My mother has amazing friends who were "other mothers" to me, and I think she stressed the importance of friendship as much as she did independence and putting on deodorant. I remember hearing "boys will come and go, but friends will stay forever." I mean, in retrospect, that's a little idealistic. I've had lots of friends come and go too. But on the whole...my friends have really been there. And I have THEEEEE most amazing friends.

Friendship doesn't just hold up as legit for us real people, it also seems to be able to survive the fame and fortune of Hollywood. I think this is because if you are rich and important, recognized around every corner, and you actually find someone who you can trust and who will love you for who you are without make-up, you probably hang onto them.

So, in celebration of what is bound to be the BEST Golden Globes EVER, and in celebration of friendship...here are some notable Famous BFF's.

Bitches get stuff done.

Tina and Amy-The Funniest
The way Tina talks about Amy in her book Bossypants gives a real idea of the kind of support these two show each other. They have risen to stardom at the same time, and been active participants in their individual successes. Recently at a charity auction they put a night of being their BFF up on the auction block and two women wrote checks for $36,000 each. I want to go to there.

Sense and sensibility.

Kate and Reese-The Ones I Want To Know
When Kate Winslet moved in next to Reese Witherspoon, she came over to say hi one night. As they talked about possible playdates for their kids, Kate told Reese she hadn't had anything to drink and asked if she had wine. Of course Reese did, and their friendship was born over wine and conversation that night. You all know Kate is my favorite actress, and Reese is from the South...I love this pairing so much!

Oprah and Gayle-The Real Deal
You can't even mention BFF's in Hollywood without thinking of these two. When I think about the success Oprah has had, in all reality, Gayle is probably the only person in her life that she can truly trust. Watching them on their road trip was hilarious because they fight like sisters! And their camping trip at Yosemite. Best ever.

There is no me without you.

Busy and Michelle-The Soulmates
Seriously, this might seem like a strange combo, but these two have been friends for a long time. Through all the tragedy of Heath Ledger's death and the celebration of having babies. They are seen together all the time, and apparently some people question the proclaimed platonic nature of their friendship. They make no bones about calling each other soul mates and admit having "girl crushes" on each other. But those who know them or spend time around them just say that they are seriously the best of friends, in ways that you can only understand if you've had this kind of best friend.

Dakota and Kristen-The Opposites
Um. What? They're best friends? In my mind, Dakota is still sweetly knitting things on talk shows, while KStew is busy...well, stewing. This friendship alone is proof that opposites attract not only in romance, but in friendship.

Everyone just calm down.

Penelope and Salma-The Sexiest
This is too much sexy in a friendship. I mean, somebody has to be the Rhoda.

The Threesomes
There are some internet discrepancies over these next few people. It's bound to happen. There's always that poor woman who thinks that she is her BFF's, BFF, but has no idea that her BFF has another BFF. I think that's what's happening in some of these situations. Which of these pairings do you think is the real deal?

Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz or Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page
Their birthdays are 1 day and...er...a few years apart. Seriously, even with a 12 year age difference, I have to vote for Ellen and Drew on this one. Mainly because I cannot imagine anyone ever being best friends with Cameron Diaz. Except maybe Scarlett Johannsen.

Shenanigans.

Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox Arquette or Jennifer Aniston and Chelsea Handler
As much as we all want Rachel and Monica to be friends forever, there are rumors that they've suffered some rough spots in the last year or so. Meanwhile, Chelsea loves to mention Jennifer on her show and reference their nights out. I am sure that Courtney has the staying power in this, but I do think that Jenn needs a friend who will go to the mat for her. Chelsea doesn't take shit off of anyone, and for that reason, I like the thought of the two of them as best friends.

Even at my worst, I'm best with you.

Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler or Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin
FALSE. There is no right answer to this, because in spite of both Liv and Ginnifer seemingly being wonderful people, they are obviously HORRIBLE friends because they let Kate do this:

I have no real friends.

Talk to me about BFF's...

Who did I leave out that's worth mentioning? 

Who will never have one? 

Which celeb do you want to be BFF with?

Horrifying Hump Day: Zombie Apocalypse

Tell me that's not something you want to be prepared for.

It's not real. I mean, it can't happen. I know this. You know this. And yet, there are TV's, movies, websites, and books dedicated to the topic of the Zombie Apocalypse. It seeps into our conversations and even the subconscience. Today, I was walking through the hallway and saw a long-handled hammer, and I thought, "I could kill a zombie with that." Yep.

Average indeed.

I've thought a lot about zombies this year because in some ways being in a foreign country is like living in the zombie apocalypse. You are surrounded by people, but cannot communicate with most of them. Which means you cannot connect emotionally. And the few interactions you do have with people are usually a little terrifying. What do the want from me? What are they saying? Am I going to have to eat something weird?

Ok...maybe not terrifying.

See, just like in China.

I took a "Will you survive the Zombie Apocalypse" quiz...my results? I. Am. Legend. That's right. Of course, the quiz didn't ask about cardio...

I think our obsession with zombies plays on a few things that are central to our humanity.

First, the fact that they used to be us. That drooling, growling, bleeding creature in front of you resembles your mom. In fact, a few minutes ago, she was. But now she's a brainless killing machine. And she's probably going to try to kill you.

Secondly, zombies are a metaphor. Have you ever heard of groupthink? It's happening all over Facebook right now. Clicking like if you think Romney this, if you think Obama that. And the likes just keep adding up. It's a sad state of affairs when people stop using their brains and start "liking" things that really make no sense or have no actual foundation in truth. I don't want to get political, but I mean, we are zombies.

Exactly.

Thirdly, it gives us a chance to make those emotional breaks that hold us back in life. When you daydream about your ex deciding he's made a huge mistake and wants you back, it's hard to enjoy life to the fullest. But when that ex is oozing life threatening bacteria from his ears and missing an arm, it makes it a little easier to forget about him. Want a divorce? To move out of your parents' house? To get revenge on a back-stabbing friend? To stick it to the man? A zombie apocalypse solves all that. It's like free and very effective therapy with no lingering consequences, regrets, or baggage.

Fourthly, (I hate the word fourthly.)

Fifthly, you aren't that special. In a zombie apocalypse no one stands out. Everyone is cynical of everyone, there's no trust. In a zombie apocalypse there are no story toppers. Everyone has PTSD. No one cares about who you lost or who you loved or where you're from or what degrees you have. All those things that divide us now: sexuality, social status, education, religion, political affiliation, race...none of that matters in a zombie apocalypse...

Wow...that actually sounds really nice right about now...

Running Songs

For no good reason whatsoever...I want to talk more about the running thing. A few weeks ago I mentioned movies that have running scenes in them, and that led me to music. These are not necessarily the best songs to work out to, but they are about running.

Running on Empty-Jackson Browne
This is the first song I think of when I think of running songs. Nothing really profound...just a good song.

I Run For Life-Melissa Etheridge
This is Etheridge's tribute song to Breast Cancer and is referring to the Susan B. Komen Race for the Cure runs across America. Etheridge herself is a survivor, and this song is really quite inspiring. I tear up whenever I hear it.

Run-Snow Patrol
This is the song that put Snow Patrol on the map. I remember hearing it when I lived in Nashville. I had just dropped my boss off at the Nashville airport and was driving her brown Ford Explorer. It came on the radio and I was captivated. "Light up, light up. As if you have a choice." Great song.

Ready To Run-Dixie Chicks
This is kind of the anthem for the movie Runaway Bride. It's just a fun country song.

I Run To You-Lady Antebellum
I love Lady Antebellum. And this is one of their best songs. It's a cheesy little song about being able to face a hard world because you have someone who loves you. Sweet.

Running on Sunshine-Jesus Jackson
I love this song so much. I heard it on Grey's Anatomy years ago, and bought it immediately. It's got a great beat, and sound, and the words are super fun.

Run Around-Blues Travelers
I have a knack for memorizing lyrics. And there are a few songs that have really fun and fast lyrics. This is one of them, I know every word, and I love to sing it.

Of course there are TONS of songs out there that reference running, but these are just a few that I love. 

Which ones come to mind for you?

Disappointing Endings--A Guest Post by Vicky

I have a beef with Hollywood. I have noticed there are an increasing amount of disappointing endings to movies. You know what I mean. Those movies that have amazing trailers, that look epic, there are talented actors involved, this movie is going to be the best thing you’ve seen in years. So you pay your ten or thirteen dollars depending on if it’s in 3D, you sneak in some sodas in your purse, but buy the movie popcorn because there’s just something about it. You might wait in line for a while, then you take your seat, and endure endless commercials you could watch on TV, answer stupid trivia questions that everyone knows, and wonder if people actually text in answers to who is best dressed. Finally the screen gets dark, the lights dim, the ambient crowd noise dies down, and there is an excitement in the air. You watch awesome trailers to movies you plan to see later to the point that you forget which movie you came to see in the first place. Now, fifteen minutes after the start time, the movie you paid to see begins its journey. It’s epic, it’s sweeping, the actors are doing great work, and you react to the sadness, the joy, and the jokes. You are about to declare this an amazing movie.  But suddenly, something happens, the movie starts to wrap up its epic, sweeping story and you are left empty and unfulfilled.  

W...T...F?

What just happened? That movie was so good, but now all I can think about is how unfulfilled I was by the ending!  Why didn’t they just: (insert suggestion here)?  Why? WHY?  WHY?!?!?!?!? (Cue: falling on knees, in the rain, arms up, crying up to the sky at the movie gods for this pathetic ending.)

So I have compiled a small list of movies that I found to be disappointing in the end.  These are star-filled, action-packed, good concept movies until the end screwed them up. The only thing they have in common is the disappointing ending and that I paid money to see them in the movie theater. Warning: major spoilers ahead, proceed at your own risk.

Snow White and the Huntsman 

This movie was pretty good and the concept was great. A strong Snow White who teams up with the Huntsman sent to capture her, a slightly crazy, power-hungry queen who wants immortality and to rule the land forever. There are so many things this movie got right: Charlize Theron as the gorgeous Queen Ravenna, Chris Hemsworth as the brooding, handsome Huntsman, Bob Hoskins (Smee!) is among the dwarves, Sam Claflin as Prince Charming William, the visual effects and cinematography are breathtaking, Ravenna’s back story is rich and gives us an insight to why she’s so angry. Then there was this one choice that threw everything off…

All believability, lost.

(Side rant)  Kristen Stewart was a poor choice. I’m sorry, I’m not a fan. I’ve seen her in a few things and I don’t like her as an actress. I don’t understand why she’s so sought after; she has NO EMOTIONS!  I understand that the whole “fairer” thing is not just about the looks but more about the goodness that is inside Snow White. However, knowing that the whole deal was originally about looks and that the queen is so beauty obsessed, they should have cast someone more looks-worthy and acting-worthy and just overall-worthy.

But back to the ending, it was sub-par. There was all this build-up to an epic battle that fell a little short and led to the crowning of Snow White as the new queen. The last scene left me so wanting. What about the Huntsman, why is he just standing at the back while she’s named queen, why isn’t he by her side, are we going to address that he loves her, does she love him, if the Huntsman isn’t her choice, is it William? There was this little indication that the land was returning to normal, sun shining and trees setting out blooms, but I would have loved to see an indication of the people being rejuvenated as well, something to let me know that everything truly is on the mend.  Maybe they have sequel stuff in mind, but still, now I’m completely disinterested because I was SO disappointed.  

Robin Hood

I’m talking about the Russell Crowe version because in no way do the Kevin Costner (“I would die for you” and Sean Connery) or Cary Elwes (Patrick Stewart and “Call the locksmith!”) versions disappoint.  All of the buildup; the back story of Robin Hood being a soldier and the circumstances by which he becomes Robin Hood, meeting Cate Blachett’s Marion, the amazing moment when he hops on the horse and declares his love for her (sigh), the epic battles throughout, it’s all good.

Someone is about to get an arrow through their neck.

I was swept away, Kevin Costner’s lack of accent fading in my mind, when suddenly King James is jealous of Robin and declares him an outlaw.  What?  So now we’re at the point where Robin’s adventures as we know them begin?  NOW, Robin of Loxley is an outlaw?  And how did they set up that little forest community so quickly?  Meh.  

And who are we kidding really?  Alan Rickman will always be the best Sheriff of Nottingham, hands down.  

Hancock

I only have one thing to say. They’re gods/angels/superheroes and soul mates?  Really?

I will cut you (because when we’re together it will actually hurt)

What movie endings did you find disappointing?  Do you agree with my disappointing choices?

(Vicky, 29, lives in Tallahassee, FL where she is impressed with the fact that there is more than just a Hobby Lobby to buy fabric.  She is a writer, reader, wife, dog mom, theatre lover, and costume maker.  Mostly, she is what she likes to refer to as a sous of everything, master of nothing.)