The Importance of Being...Honest

I've never told you this before. In fact, some of you who know me well don't even know this about me. I mean, you might know my deepest darkest secrets, and you don't even know what I am about to confess here on this public forum. I know this will devastate some of you. My friend Amy might feel as though she's been lied to for over 20 year of our friendship. (I'm so sorry Amy...I promise I have no more secrets left after I tell this one!)  My friend RB who has used her powers of persuasion to convince me to watch Downton Abbey will realize why it never seems to be a good time. And Julie and Sandi might understand why I can't love Game of Thrones, or The Tudors the way they do. And maybe it will finally explain why and even set me free, though I cannot BELIEVE I am about to admit this, to tell you that I have never read a Jane Austen book. NEVER. Not even one whole chapter.

You see...I loathe...I abhor...I hate...period pieces. Even that term, period movie. How gross...and talk about being so OBVIOUSLY made for women! Unacceptable!

Amy, I am sorry...I do not seek him everywhere! I do not!

I Googled "period piece" and the consensus is that the term is used to describe movies/tv/and other works that take place during a time period in history. Ok, that's pretty broad and so maybe I don't hate them all. I do love Braveheart, and I am a big Titanic fan. Both are considered period pieces.

My personal distaste for this type of movie is more specific, so let me try to define it. The general genre that I hate bounces around (but is NOT limited to) British Romantic Dramas and are usually adapted from books that I have never read but have told everyone I have and enjoyed. Always the women are wearing clothing that is restricting and almost always they are crying about a man that they saw once from a distance who is not in their acceptable social class. Elaborate costumes, thick and hard to understand accents, too many characters introduced too fast with long last names but no defining characteristics up front turn me off of a movie almost instantly. And usually they begin with a tragedy and end up in romance, because love conquers all? "Our father died but at least we got married!"

I would be angry too if I had to wear 13 items of clothing with no A/C. 

There is no way I can give you an extensive history and explanation here that would begin to explain fully my feelings on these period movies. So instead I will just give you some statements that will give some samples and examples of my prejudice when it comes to this category, as well as a few notable exceptions.

• I thought I liked The Four Feathers, but then I realized I just liked Heath Ledger. 
• I tried to watch Downton Abbey, but once they stopped talking about the Titanic, I got bored and  plus, I couldn't even tell who was the butler and who was the patriarch. So much anger in that house (castle? abbey?).
• I appreciate the "adaptations" of these particular movies, but in most cases I haven't actually seen/read the originals: Clueless (Emma), O (Othello), Romeo and Juliet (The Leo and Claire version), 10 Things I Hate About You (The Taming of the Shrew), and Cruel Intentions (Dangerous Liasons) just to name a few.
• Any of these period pieces with Kiera Knightly and/or Anne Hathaway (who are practically the same person) is bound to piss me off. 
• Anything with Kate Winslet, I will give a fair chance. And Sense and Sensibility is perhaps one of my exceptions to my "rules." I adore that movie, but mainly because of the relationship between the sisters. 
• Fake accents drive me crazy, as do horse drawn carriages, servants, and taking a walk in the garden because what else are you gonna do?
• If I am flipping channels and see Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, or Hugh Grant, I usually go take a walk in the garden to avoid them. 
• On the other hand, Helen Mirren has my attention. Always...even as Ayn Rand.
• Wuthering Heights is acceptable because it is dark and brooding...as is Interview with a Vampire because...well, it has Brad Pitt in it and he's a vampire. 
• The story has to be a good one. The Secret Garden is example of an acceptable story.
• Since the Harry Potter movies gathered up almost all of the good British actors and actresses how could I ever watch Rowling's characters gaze longingly at each other in another movie?
• Amadeus is obviously absolved from any of the above crimes.

Just remember Kate, the accent, the bosom, and Austen are the Holy Money Trinity.

As you can see, there is no real rhyme or reason to what I like or don't like. I just know it when I see it...or don't see it. Maybe it sets off my feminist sensitivities to see a woman waking up when the sun rises, getting all dressed up, and then sitting around all day waiting on a man to visit her just so he can fall for her sister. I know, I know...there's more to it than that and how could I even know enough to criticize since I have avoided seeing most of them? 

Come on, convince me otherwise.