Horrifying Hump Day: Zombie Apocalypse

Tell me that's not something you want to be prepared for.

It's not real. I mean, it can't happen. I know this. You know this. And yet, there are TV's, movies, websites, and books dedicated to the topic of the Zombie Apocalypse. It seeps into our conversations and even the subconscience. Today, I was walking through the hallway and saw a long-handled hammer, and I thought, "I could kill a zombie with that." Yep.

Average indeed.

I've thought a lot about zombies this year because in some ways being in a foreign country is like living in the zombie apocalypse. You are surrounded by people, but cannot communicate with most of them. Which means you cannot connect emotionally. And the few interactions you do have with people are usually a little terrifying. What do the want from me? What are they saying? Am I going to have to eat something weird?

Ok...maybe not terrifying.

See, just like in China.

I took a "Will you survive the Zombie Apocalypse" quiz...my results? I. Am. Legend. That's right. Of course, the quiz didn't ask about cardio...

I think our obsession with zombies plays on a few things that are central to our humanity.

First, the fact that they used to be us. That drooling, growling, bleeding creature in front of you resembles your mom. In fact, a few minutes ago, she was. But now she's a brainless killing machine. And she's probably going to try to kill you.

Secondly, zombies are a metaphor. Have you ever heard of groupthink? It's happening all over Facebook right now. Clicking like if you think Romney this, if you think Obama that. And the likes just keep adding up. It's a sad state of affairs when people stop using their brains and start "liking" things that really make no sense or have no actual foundation in truth. I don't want to get political, but I mean, we are zombies.

Exactly.

Thirdly, it gives us a chance to make those emotional breaks that hold us back in life. When you daydream about your ex deciding he's made a huge mistake and wants you back, it's hard to enjoy life to the fullest. But when that ex is oozing life threatening bacteria from his ears and missing an arm, it makes it a little easier to forget about him. Want a divorce? To move out of your parents' house? To get revenge on a back-stabbing friend? To stick it to the man? A zombie apocalypse solves all that. It's like free and very effective therapy with no lingering consequences, regrets, or baggage.

Fourthly, (I hate the word fourthly.)

Fifthly, you aren't that special. In a zombie apocalypse no one stands out. Everyone is cynical of everyone, there's no trust. In a zombie apocalypse there are no story toppers. Everyone has PTSD. No one cares about who you lost or who you loved or where you're from or what degrees you have. All those things that divide us now: sexuality, social status, education, religion, political affiliation, race...none of that matters in a zombie apocalypse...

Wow...that actually sounds really nice right about now...