Horrifying Hump Day: Tales From My Not So Scary Life

I haven't lived a terrifying life or anything, but I thought it might be fun to share a few personal stories that seem like they could be scenes from a scary movie, granted, not the scariest scenes of course. Forgive me for the abandonment of pop-culture, but maybe some day I'll write something worth publishing and this little blog will become a piece of...yeah, ok ok, I'll just get to it.

I got my first babysitting gig the summer after my 6th grade year. I remember nothing about the family I was sitting for, I think they had 2 kids. My friend Jeffrey lived nearby, and at some point he came over to hang out. I know what you're thinking, and it wasn't like that. So while he was there we heard these noises. We both kinda freaked out so we booby trapped the house. And we did it up right. We looped yarn around doors and tables. We set up folding chairs in the foyer. I think there was even some moving of the furniture. And we were ready for whatever serial killer was about to come at us...we just weren't ready for the parents to come home. But there they were. Tripping over folding chairs and yarn, waking up their kids, staring at me and the boy I'd invited over. I don't think they every asked me to babysit again. 

In high school I had a group of friends who loved to roll yards (or TP for you West Coasters). We went out almost every weekend to target this group of guys we were friends with. I was always the getaway driver. One night we were dressed in our typical blacks, creeping up on the house when some really bright lights came on. The police were hidden waiting to catch us. We were terrified and immediately scattered. The police found us all of course, and talked to a few of us and to the guys inside before giving us a stern warning and sending us home. (Thank God for small towns.) We went back to my house feeling defeated, and one of the girls' moms called to say that my car had been reported on the police scanner, so we should probably stay in for the night. My mom gave us cookie dough and the keys to her van, and before long, we were off again. 

Westcott Building and Fountain

The strangest summer of my life was spent in Tallahassee, Florida after my Senior year of college. I chose Tallahassee for a few reasons. My mom's family lives there, my best friend at the time lived there, and I had the opportunity to nanny for two families. It was a weird summer. The mom of one of the families worked at the Florida Baptist Children's Home where my mom and her siblings grew up. The other one was in hospice care and died 6 weeks into my time there from cancer. My best friend ended up being gone most of the summer, and my aunt that I was staying with went to bed each night by about 9. I ended up spending some time with some friends I was loosely acquainted with, who were at FSU for the summer. One night we hung out on the roof of the Westcott Building and swam in the fountain. Another night I ended up in a room full of cadavers in the medical school because one of the friends got us in to see them. One night about two weeks before I was going to leave Tallahassee, my makeshift group of friends and I went to this closed down asylum now referred to as "Sunnyland" where hundreds of TB patients and unwanted kids with disabilities died before it was closed down in the 80's. My memory on this is fuzzy, but we climbed a fence and made it inside, only for a few moments. I remember noises and I remember shadows and I remember climbing the fence to get back to the car at lightening speed. We went to Gordo’s after to get grilled cheese and garlic fries. But I don’t think I slept through the night again until I was safe in my dorm on the seminary campus in New Orleans a few weeks later.

"Sunnyland" Asylum

This last year in China has been an experiment in controlling the creepy corners of imagination. As if living in a rural area of China weren't enough, I also happen to live in a building by myself. A very large building with lots of windows by myself. Let me stress the by myself part. There are entire movies made about things that can happen in isolation. So yeah. There is a security guard, but he's a good...football field away from my room. Also he speaks no English. The building is concrete and surrounded by tall bamboo and little creeks (moats). The other night I was sound asleep when I heard a key turn in my door. By the time I realized what was going on, a Chinese man was standing in my apartment, the only light in the room was from the computer. I jumped out of bed and started yelling stuff and he stared at me for a minute before realizing his mistake. He said some stuff I didn't understand then held up his hand, "sorry, sorry" and left. I locked the door behind him and messaged Frank, my supervisor. Frank's reassurance to me was, "Oh yes, many people have keys to your door, I am sorry for his mistake." So. Comforting. Frank. I've been working on my Zombie Apocalypse plan all year, but I got nothing ready for a Chinese man standing in my apartment. 

As you read these I’m sure you are probably thinking...what’s the big deal...these events are really not that scary. But isn't that how these things always are in retrospect? What felt strange at the time can be simply explained. What seemed daunting in the dark isn't that bad with the lights on. In the moment you think danger is all around you, but really, there was never any to begin with.

I've been on this scary road.

One recurring eerie feeling I get happens when I'm driving at night. I love to drive, and I especially love to drive at night. But I've had some terrifying times hugging the cliffs of California's Highway 1, climbing through the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina, and making my way to something, anything, familiar in the most rural parts of Mississippi, Georgia, Florida, and Alabama. The strangeness occurs when the only light around is from my headlights, my phone has no service, and the music, which usually is the perfect serenade to any road trip, starts to sound warped, too loud, too minor, to my ears. I turn it off and let the hum of the road noise sink in while my eyes search the sides of the road for deer, or whatever else might be lurking, waiting to make me the victim of another scary story.

Story toppers welcome! Tell me your terrifying tales!